Hans' hitech keyboard is really pissing me off. I don't technically know how to touch type. I just hunt and peck really fast, and this fucking ergonomic thing with the big blank space right in the middle is starting to mess with my head.

You see, when God in His infinite wisdom created the keyboard, He put the "g" and the "h" right next to each other. And He saw that it was good.

God said unto Adam, "Take this keyboard I have wrought for you, and study its design closely. Thou shalt have dominion over this creature of Mine, and thou shalt use it to behold the many other wonders of My world."

Then, God stopped and thought for a minute. And he said unto Adam, "Wait, what year is this? Sorry, My bad. This is supposed to come much later. Here, have a pointed stick instead."

Adam took the pointed stick, but he never forgot the other tool God had shown him that day. Millennia passed, and when the time was finally right for the children of Adam to discover the keyboard, they remembered God's original design. God saw that His children had created the keyboard in His image and He was pleased.

And then one day, some smartass thought he could improve upon God's keyboard by putting a fancypants inch of blank space right down the middle and calling it "ergonomic." So, God smote him. Really really hard. He died, alone and screaming and covered with boils. Seriously.

The moral of the story is, it's not right to try and mess with God's divine plan. I'm just saying.

previous--next