I'm sorry, dude. You know I love you. Other people's gizoogled entries made me laugh too, but yours was hilarious.

***
Since I've humiliated Paul for his excessive whiteness, I now feel obligated to throw my two cents into that whole serious vibe so many of you are doing now.

Bryan is right, on almost all counts. Chicks dig confidence. And minstrels. Oh, wait, that one is just me. The point is, you are confident, and witty, when you want to be.

He's also right about where you are looking. Do you really want a relationship with someone who the only thing you know for sure is that they hang out in a bar? Those are not stable people.

Sure, sometimes, normal people go to bars, but it's easiest in the long run to assume that everyone you meet in a bar spends most of her free time there. Barflies are great people to get drunk with, but they really aren't good for too much else. You DON'T want to date them.

(People who work in bars might be a seperate distiction. If they drink on the job, see above. If they happen to a nondrinker, you have to at least assume they're going to start out thinking the absolute worst about you. Customer service warps your brain. I hate all picky eaters on sight. I'd imagine bartenders form even stronger instant impressions, just because drunks in general are so obnoxious.)

So, bars are out. Don't feel bad when you don't hook up with someone at a bar. In the long run, you're probably much better off. What does that leave?

Again, Bryan is right. You don't live in Ripon, technically, but you spend a lot of time there. Expand your social horizons. Go out with Ted and his friends more often. I think you said you're in a suburb of Appleton now, but Appleton has simply got to have a better ______(fill in the blank) scene than Ripon. Check online for local groups that share your interests. (That sounds cheesy, and I'll admit, I've never tried it either. But you've gotta admit, it sounds a lot better in theory than just whining about not being able to meet people.)

You're always talking about going back to the mountain, so fucking go already. Find out where the closest mountain is (I know, I know, not in WI), save money, and give yourself a weekend trip. Maybe you'll meet someone. Or, maybe it will just be a pleasant weekend doing something you love that you haven't done for far too long.

Once you find someone you might be interested in, take it slow. There's a huge difference between confidence and overconfidence.

When I'm looking, I want someone smart who can maintain a conversation about a lot of different topics, and who can make me laugh. That's you. Just be yourself, and try not to let it get to you when things don't work out.

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