Money still kind of sucks, but soon it will all be better. I've been saying that for so damn long, but this time I think I really am getting there. December is a 3-payday month, so Christmas is covered, at least. Kinda sucks though. My credit cards are both really grim, so that's simply not an option right now. The payday this Friday has to go towards bills. The next payday is TWO DAYS before the Oshkosh family party. Grr.

That was my idea. I wasn't sure what the Fazolian schedule would look like, so I snagged the weekend before Christmas. It seemed really clever of me, expecially since the LARP is that Saturday. I thought I was a genius. Saturday LARP, Sunday Christmas, then if I end up having to work on the real Christmas, it's ok. Somehow, paying for all this never even crossed my mind.

But, somehow, this will work. Then, if I can just keep my head above water till tax return season, I can smack the credit cards back down to merely depressing, instead of full out terrifying, and all will be well. And, then it's just two short years until my brain is paid in full, and oh, the rejoicing will be a wonderful thing to behold.

That's right. I figured it out. April 2007, baybee. Unlike the car payments, this is actually an attainable goal. My brain will (probably) not self-destruct two months after the payments are complete.

I just realized, even if it does, that won't be MY problem. If my brain does give out, and I am reduced to a level where I lose battles of wits with particularly clever slices of toast, someone else will be doing all the thinking for me. Life will be one grand sweet song.

The more I think about it, there really is no downside to this plan. In fact, maybe I should just get stupid right now. I'd get a nice padded cell, and tapioca three times a day. It's the American Dream. I'll just stick some pencils up my nose and start saying "Wibble" and bliss will follow.

Wibble. Wibble wibble. Wibble.
***
Whew. That's one main rant out of my brain. Part of the reason I haven't been writing as much lately is because everything is overshadowed by how much money sucks. We live in this fabulously exciting city, but never do anything, because money sucks. We STILL don't have a decent couch, or a toaster, because money sucks.

I don't like whining, but when I'm struggling for money, stressing about it really does consume every corner of my brain. I HATE being poor. There, I said it. Let's talk about something else.

I've also been thinking a lot about my job. I've been working there since Aug. 3rd. Is four months enough time to fully grasp The Way of the Manager? I think so, but probably not. Most places that want management experience want at least six months of it. It's not even that I dislike the job. I'm just really afraid of getting used to it.

I don't want to wake up and realize I let ANOTHER nine years go by without doing something I honestly enjoy doing. So, I'm constantly reminding myself that this is merely a stepping stone to higher things. I don't want to forget that. Instead, I spend too much time counting the days.
***
So, yeah. I guess I am really kind of depressed. I'm not sure if talking about it has helped or not. Meh.

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