Part of that, probably the biggest part, is that I'm always tired. I'm spending roughly 55 hours a week either working or commuting. That's ridiculous. I keep trying to tell myself that I only have to keep this up till September. In Sept, my student loans will be paid off, and I can find another job, even if it doesn't pay quite as much.

Then it occurred to me that the student loans will eventually go away no matter where I'm working. Isn't my long-term sanity worth a few (more) months of slightly uncomfortable finances? Besides, what if a new job paid me the same, or dare I even think it, more?

Ah, but what if it's not my job that's making me feel like this? What if I'm not just terminally tired, but actually Depressed, with a capital D? What if a new job isn't enough to make me magically feel better?

I was trying to explain all this to KC, and she very logically pointed out that if a new job isn't what I need, then I can try something else. At least then I'll have eliminated one possible cause. I'll admit, this makes a lot of sense. If only I wasn't so damn tired....
***
I'm pretty sure I can't look for a new job right now, anyway. The April schedule is basically made out, and I'm on loan to the Madison store for a few days. (This leads to an interesting paradox. The schedule is always made out about a month in advance. I'd feel really bad about not finishing a month, once the schedule was done, but no employer anywhere wants someone who can start sometime next month. They're looking now, because they want to fill the position now. I'm pretty sure the only way out of this is to stay another six months or a year past No-More-Student-Loans Day, save enough money to get me through a period of not working anywhere, then give notice and finish out a month. That's clearly crazy-talk, so therefore, I'm stuck working at Fazuul forever.)

There's a flaw in that reasoning somewhere. I know that if I chose to give the mere standard two weeks notice, there's not a lot Fazuul can do. But it's not what I'm "supposed to do," because it would throw everyone else's schedule into turmoil. The point is, doing it now would screw two different restaurants. If I wait a month, I'm only hurting relatively few people. Yeah. Does that even make sense?
***
I'm hoping for a loophole. I'm secretly waiting for some kind of perfectly obvious reason why I can say "Oh, no, clearly, this will not do. Sorry, but as you can see, I have no choice but to look for another job, effective immediately." That sounds completely unrealistic, but it might actually happen.

Fazuul was recently bought out. The new guy's name is Bob. Area Supervisor Man just got back from a weeklong conference with Bob. Bob has all kinds of crazy ideas, and AS sent an e-mail, listing all of them. Most of them are redesigns of the menu, but there was one paragraph of AS's e-mail that really stuck out.

Right now, every restaurant has one salaried General Manager, one or two salaried Restaurant Managers, and a few hourly Associate Managers. As I understood it, Bob wants each restaurant to have one salaried GM, one salaried Assistant GM, one hourly Assistant Manager, and several Shift Leaders. D, the other current RM, is really the Lead RM, which means she already does everything that the GM does when he's not around. (I am the Another RM. It's not an official title, but what it means is that if I make the wrong decision without first consulting with the lead RM, she gets angry. I had a day of working with the GM recently. As had become my habit, I asked for his input on a minor decision. He said, why are you asking me? You're an RM. I trust your judgement. Oh, yeah. Right. I had forgotten. Anyway.) She has nothing to worry about. She gets a new title, but nothing really changes. Same with the AM's/shift leaders.

If this happens, I'm the one who gets seriously screwed. I would end up hourly again. Instead of a guaranteed 45 hours/week (usually, read "48-50") I'd get assigned about 35 hours/week. If I was clever, I could maybe stretch it into 39.5 sometimes, but never more than 40. Overtime is bad.

I don't know when, or even if this will take effect. Maybe Bob plans on letting the restaurants with three salaried staff just keep them till something happens to one of them. Maybe it was just a random thought Bob threw out there, and it won't happen at all.

Is it messed up that I want my job to screw me? It sounds pretty messed up.

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