(Did you know that for mere pennies a day, you too could be living the good life, and watching your deepest exhibitionist fantasies come true?? Yeah, free Diaryland is pretty amazing in its own right, but plunking down that little bit of dinero results in not only a quick daily ego boost, but image hosting, and probably scads of other cool features. I've been Gold for a while now, and I'm not really sure anymore what exactly I'm paying for, and what new features around here are pure gifts, available to the masses, but I know for a fact that since upgrading to a Gold Membership, my hair has been shinier, and my breath sweeter.)

(That's my good deed for today, you know. A totally random pimping of the Diaryland upgrade. I can now spend the rest of today cheating at solitaire and tormenting the cat with a clear conscience. I've done my little bit to make the world a better place.)

I was going somewhere with this, I swear. Give me a minute.

Ah, yes. I love my stats. In fact, it's a real effort for me to not love them in a scary obsessive sort of way. It's so simple, and so seductive. One little mouseclick, and I get a list of every site that's been a followed link to me in the past few hours.

Sometimes, I get to play statchecker pingpong. I do this a lot with LARP people. Moondog, for example, will show up in my stats log. I'll be all, "Hey! Moondog stopped by! Maybe that means he updated!" and I'll go check. A few hours later, Moondog will be checking his stats, and he'll be all "Wow! ana-ng stopped by! Maybe that means she updated!" and then I'll check back the next day, and see that Moondog stopped by AGAIN, so I'll go visit him again, just in case, and so on. Actually, neither of us has done anything new for two weeks, but you've always gotta check. That's just the way it is.

Sometimes, I get the fun of random Google hits. Mine are never as good as the ones Velcrometer gets, but they enhance the Total StatsWhore Experience nonetheless.

And sometimes, the routine stats check reveals something magical. Lore visited my site today.

I've given this a lot of thought, and I think the best analogy would be having Rowan Atkinson randomly stop by your house. To most people, just saying "Lore visited my site" is pretty meaningless. But to a small rabidly cultlike section of the population, it's like touching the hand of God. (And if you don't know who Rowan Atkinson is, I'm sorry, but you're just not welcome here anymore.)

I mean, I've had a schoolgirl crush on Lore since the days he was doing Brunching Shuttlecocks. Yeah, that's right. That Lore. Now are you impressed?

So, now I'm all a-twitter. Lore was here! LORE was here! Did I empty the ashtrays? Was there cat fur all over the archives again? Was I even a little bit funny? (No, probably, and not really.)

Sigh. Maybe he'll come back. If he's a statswhore too, he must have noticed all the hits I've fed him in the last hour.

You could help me, you know. Go visit Lore right now. It will totally be worth your time, I swear it. And while your at it, give my man Velcrometer a quick ping too.

Oh, and of course there's always Monty. Monty is good people. Monty wants you to tell him all about your good friend ana-ng.

(OK, this is rapidly devolving into a total pimpfest. I'd like to think I'm a little above that sort of thing. I'll stop now, while I still have some dignity. I have dignity in abundance, you know. But maybe The Onion doesn't know about my dignity yet. Would you mind? Thanks.)

previous--next