Worst. Entry. Ever.
2001-06-27 9:49 p.m.
So, yeah. Winding up another two days off. Once again, I didn't do a damn thing. This worries me a little. What's the point of having days off, if you're just going to piss them away?Oh, wait. I watched a movie last night, over at Wej's. And then I went to DiabloLand for a while. So, I was social, kinda. A little, anyway. And, I read a bunch. And I bonded with George until he was sick of me a few times. And I played a little Monster Muppet Adventure. I collected enough gold tokens to open the next boss level. Go, me. That KerMonster is a real bastard, though. I honestly don't know how I'll ever beat him. I went to the bank yesterday. I paid some bills. I renewed my driver's license. *** Wow. This just might be my most boring entry ever. I know. I'll go clear out my little folder of rejected material. I haven't done that in a while. For those of you just tuning in, this is where I reprint all the stuff that didn't quite fit into whatever entry I was working on at the moment, but still amused me enough to hang on to it. *** I don't have any enemies. And if I did, I don't think I'm the kind of person who would actively try to destroy them. I'm more a slow, burning resentment kinda gal. *** I don't have to work for TWO FREAKIN DAYS!!!! How cool is that? I don't even have to worry about not making any tips. When I went to the bank, see, I remembered to not deposit everything. I remembered to keep out $20 for D. to take to work, because I knew I wasn't working for a few days, and I wouldn't be able to hand him a handful of singles every day. Then, I got home, and found an extra $20 in my jewelry box. Apparently, I'd already done the bit where I plan ahead and put aside lunch money for D. So, I get a couple days off, and I've got a bonus $20. A completely superfluous $20. There's food in the house, all the immediate bills are paid, and I've got $20. Wahoo! Yeah. It's pathetic, how excited I am about this. I've got Twenty American Dollars. I'm going to spend it all on booze and cheap women. Really cheap women. It is only $20. *** I just realized something. A lot of my entries lately have had at least two completely unrelated topics. Sometimes, it's like I reach a point, and then I deliberately try to change the subject. Other times, it reads more like I start out trying to warm up, then move on to what I really want to talk about. Maybe it's just because I don't write every day anymore, and I have to cover more with each entry. It's annoying, though, whatever it is. I finish the entry, and scan it, trying to think of a good title, and realize that there simply is no title broad enough to cover everything I talked about. Screw it. I'm gonna call this entry "Phil." *** God, my brain sucks. You can rail all you want against sheep and mindless drones, but you've gotta admit, they've got a pretty easy life. None of this thinking nonsense. Wouldn't that be nice? La la la, oblivion is bliss... Gimme the blue pill, Morpheus. In fact, gimme a dozen. *** I'm still re-reading Infinite Jest. It's a lot slower going this time. I honestly have no idea how I tore through this monster in a week. Here are some of my thoughts, on second reading: The family's name is Incandenza. Just try and tell me that isn't significant. All the male Incandenzas do indeed have incandescent abilities, each in their own way. Hal is a linguistics and tennis prodigy. Orin is maybe the best football kicker ever. Mario is a hideous cripple, but he's always cheerful, and seems to see the best in everyone. And of course, Himself is not only a master avant-garde filmmaker, but he's mostly interested in the whole film thing because of lenses and light. Near the end of the book, Hal loses a match to this kid whose nickname is "The Darkness." You can't make up symbolism like this, kids. Oh, wait. I guess you can. But you can't just ignore it when you find it. There are no positive parental role models in the book. Everyone who mentions having parents, almost immediately mentions something really fucked up about them. Gately's mom was an alcoholic, and his stepdad beat her. Joelle's Own Personal Daddy seemed nice enough, till you get to the part about how he refused to see her as anything but a six-year-old. There's that chick in AA, whose adoptive father used to rape her catatonic adopted sister. Steeply's dad was completely delusional about M*A*S*H. We won't even mention the Incandenzas. I have no idea if these are completely obvious, or fairly profound. But they're what I've noticed.
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