Ya know, I don't think there's anything I can say that would be better than that.

See, yesterday, I was wandering around Pamie's forum, and I found a link to a site full of writing topics. Further exploration led me to the Breasts of Doom!

Hee. If that sentence isn't the opening of a bad horror porn of some sort, than I don't know what is.

I think I'm going to need to just say that a few times. Breasts of Doom! Breasts of Doom! Behold the hypnotic jiggly power of the Breasts...of....Dooooooommmmm!"

***

We interrupt this entry for a Muppet news flash: A package just arrived from P. Smythe Industries. You rawk, Poodgims. (Since I'm all about links today, I was going to try to give a link to the appropriate part of my archives. But, it's a five or six part story. I think it starts in September.)

***

OK, back to the breasteses.

Now that I look at the site, none of the topics really appeal to me. I really don't give my titties a lot of thought. They're just sort of there. D. seems to enjoy them. If I'm drunk enough, I'll show 'em to anyone.

I think instead of using one of the Breasts of Doom! topics, I'm just gonna riff on the phrase for a while.

***

We reached the temple at sunset. M'Tambo, my guide, had been incresingly nervous all day. He wouldn't tell me why. All he would do was mutter "Oh, V'dinsi, preserve us. If they begin to jiggle, the Madness will come upon me again."

The temple was empty, except for one granite statue. It was of a naked woman, six feet tall. Her hands were holding up her breasts, as if she were offering them to the world. Her nipples were inset rubies.

"Well," I said. "That doesn't look so bad. M'tambo, hand me the scroll."

"Indiana Ng, I beg you. For the sake of all the men of my village, do not do this. Four thousand years ago, when Mighty Ni'Pleasura last walked the land, they say the frenzy fell on three moonsworth of men!"

"M'tambo, we've been over this. It's just a legend. Now hand me the scroll, and I'll prove it."

He threw my backpack at my feet, and ran from the temple. I could hear him outside, begging the gods for mercy.

I took out the scroll, and began to read.

"Titties. Knockers. Garbanzolas! Oh, come on now. Is this for real?" I could hear a distant rumbling. I shrugged, and kept reading. "Love Muffins! Pillows of womanly flesh! Portable Jell-o molds!" The rumbling grew louder. Sparks of lightning were shooting out of Ni'Pleasura's nipples. It was too late to stop now. I took a deep breath, and read the last part of the scroll. "Come on, Honey! Let's see what you got!"

The statue was a real woman now. She was still naked, and she was moving slowly towards me. Even more terrifying, her boobs were expanding at an alarming rate. Every step she took, she went up another cup size. I whimpered, and began to back away.

A sultry voice filled every corner of my mind. "Thank you for releasing me, human..." Her head lowered, as she examined my own chest. "Female?" I crossed my arms defensively. "I go now to seek my destiny. For helping me, I give you this."

She waved one hand slowly across my chest. There was a sudden "Foomp! Foomp!" noise. I looked down. I couldn't see my feet anymore.

"Those are worthy of a human of your size. Now, behold the titties of a goddess!" She was a triple E by this point, and still growing.

"Did you bring the proper tribute?" I rummaged in my bag, and brought out the bottle of EverClear. I handed it to her. She drank it in one swallow.

Then, smiling tipsily to herself, and rubbing her nipples till sparks shot out, she left.

I crept to doorway of the temple, to watch her go.

Her mighty breasteses jiggled slightly as she walked. And they just kept getting bigger. Suddenly, she stopped. She had found M'tambo.

Her voice thundered across the valley. "Look!" she squealed. "I gots boobies!" He screamed, and then began to groan with pleasure.

"T-thank you goddess! I will never forget this!" She pressed his face into her chest, and drunkenly kissed the top of his head. Then, she set off in the direction of the village.

previous--next