Suddenly, the entry you are reading dissolves into static! (I don't have the technology to actually do this, of course. You're just going to have to tighten your imagination hat a little. You forgot your imagination hat? Jeez, people. You've gotta work with me a little here. I suppose you can wear the tinfoil bunny slippers instead again, but confidentially, the Front Office is getting a little pissy about your general lack of professionalism here. Is it really that hard to remember? It's right in the training manual, fer chrissakes. "Always bring your imagination hat and your extra pair of surreal underwear to Ana's journal." Jeez.)

Uh, where was I going with this?

Ah, yes. The screen dissolves into static!

Whups. It's that Hand of God thing again. For some reason, I am strangely compelled to skip writing about my day, and instead tell you all about "If I ran the world." How very odd.

***

Well, my first inclination is to say that my very first act as Supreme Dictatress of Everything would be to hire someone else to do it for me. That's way too much responsibility, and I am fundamentally very very lazy. My staff of assistants could maybe check in with me every few days to confirm a few minor points, but basically, I'd leave things up to them. They're good people. That's why I hired them.

Yup. All I require is a castle on a beach to turn into The Resting Home For Aged Taus, and a bottomless pit o' cash. The rest of the world can go suck eggs, as far as I'm concerned.

Whew. That was an easy assignment. So, anyway, as I was saying, today was a pretty ok day....

The Hand of God reaches down and slaps Ana upside the head. She goes flying forty feet across the room. It's a really big Hand, ya see.

OW! OK, OK! I'll do it for real now.

1)Intolerance and stupidity are punishable by death. However, Rabid Political Correctness is also punishable by death. Reading a book cuz Oprah recommended it is punishable by death. Being trendy is way punishable by death.

Basically, anyone parroting any example of GroupThink is going down. Anyone caught putting forth any opinion on any subject that was not personally reached after independent thought will be dipped in molasses and hung by their toenails for a minimum of 47 years. I'm sorry, but I'm going to be completely unwavering on this one. Call it Tough Love.

2). Everyone will be required to wear silly looking hats and go "Aggle aggle aggle" for one hour on Tuesdays. This one won't help the world at all, probably. But I'll get to laugh myself silly once a week, when I think about every single person in the world looking like an idiot just because I told them to.

Besides, now that I think about it, this is a great way to help people break the sheep mentality. Once a week, everyone will be forced to confront the fact that the one person they're still following blindly is a gibbering lunatic.

3)All kittens will be allowed to do whatever they please, because they are fuzzy and cute.

4)A team of Fairy Godmothers will travel around the world, randomly giving $5000 tips to waitstaff who seem to deserve it. They will also visit libraries in all major cities, slipping $100 bills into particularly cool books. (Whups. That's a "When I'm disgustingly rich" fantasy, not a "When I rule the world" fantasy. It's one of my favorites, though. I love the idea of making the day of some complete stranger simply because he or she shares my taste in literature.)

Ok. Thanks to me, the world's a much better place. Can I have that castle now?

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