This is bad and all, but the one thing I can't stop thinking about is what a relatively small effect this has on my life.

God, that sounds cold. The man has a wife and two small children to support. He's a good guy. But I really don't feel a thing emotionally.

Gaah! Coming right out and saying that makes it even worse. And makes me feel even worse. Which is even more worse to say.

Me, me, me. It's all about me. Isn't that awful?

He's one of only two uncles on that side of the family. My mom is probably really torn up about this. Gramma sounded upset when she called just now. And think about Lisa, and Jesse, and little Whatshername.

I think that's the main reason I'm not really feeling anything. I really haven't seen a lot of him or his family in a while. I saw them for maybe an hour last Christmas. Before that, I don't think I saw him at all for maybe three years. Somewhere in there, he married someone named Lisa, who had a roughly six year old son. At some nebulous later point, he and Lisa had a daughter. I don't even have a clue what he does right now.

So, maybe that lets me off the hook, emotionally. Or maybe it just adds a whole new level of guilt. My own flesh and blood, or something. I should have a reaction.

Uncle Randy, in my own way, I'm sorry. I'm mostly sorry that I'm not more sorry, but I do feel for you. Lisa seems nice, and your kids look sweet. I hope you get through this, for their sake, and for the sake of everyone who does know you. I wish I did.

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