I'm trying really hard to stay positive about this. So many things really sort of suck right now, but I'm hoping they won't suck quite so much in a few weeks.

I don't know anything. Everyone that I'm going to be the boss of is like 18 years old, and they all know more than I do. I spend a lot of each day feeling dumb. In two weeks, I have to know everything they know, plus all the manager stuff. That's way hardcore.

None of it is very hard, of course. I know I could be an ordinary Fazolian in two weeks. But every time I do something dumb, I feel extra stressed out. Even though I know it's the same mistake anyone would make on the 2nd or 3rd day, As An Associate Manager, I shouldn't be making the rookie mistakes. Also, I have all this extra stuff to learn.

I know I'll get it all down eventually. Each day I know a little more. It seems much more intimidating than it really is. In two months, I'll be doing all this in my sleep, and laughing about how scary it all seemed.

***

The drive also kind of sucks. I leave my house at 6:30 am, work a nine-hour day, and get home at 6:15 at night. That's really a little ridiculous, and even though I know for a fact that in a few weeks it won't be an issue, it is most definitely an issue right now. The Head Boss Lady keeps sending training materials home with me, but I really don't want to spend my 4-5 daily hours of awake leisure time studying them.

The one good thing about my schedule right now is that a nine-hour day plus no overtime allowed equals a four-day work week. I have THREE days off in a row right now! Of course, with essentially a 12-hour work day including travel time, I'm way behind on all the household maintenance stuff. I cleaned some today, and made phone calls. Tomorrow and Thursday will be errand days, because frankly, there are just that many errands. But just think about how sweet my life will be when I don't have the travel issue.

There's actually a lot more I wanted to talk about, but I think I want to sleep now.

***

Morning. How did you sleep? Good, good. Me? When the alarm went off for Rijid, I realized I've been having a disproportionate number of Fazolian dreams. I must be having other dreams, but for the past four days, those are the only ones I'm waking up remembering. Come on, subconscious. The Breadstick Dream, again? Maybe this is my brain's way of assimilating all the information, but it's getting a little tedious. I can only hope Dream-me is getting it all right. "Oh, you mean I'm not actually supposed to have a banana stuffed up my nose when I count registers? Hmm. Let me check my notes...."

***

I have put almost 1000 miles on the silver car. Strangely, I think less than 200 of that is in-town. Brandon has one corner that should be taken at 2nd gear. Waupun has four stoplights, and one stop sign that only applies on the drive home. Fazoli's is three stoplights into Madison. The other 800 miles are all on 151, and require no stick shift knowledge at all. I'm also making up a lot of in-town errands, driving to places that were walks a month ago, just for that little bit of extra practice. I wouldn't say I'm 100% confident yet, but I know I'm a lot better.

***

The librarian test was last week Wednesday. Only 50 people showed up, so I'm already 30% ahead of the game. The test itself was very strange. I know nothing at all about current events, or library science, but I knew most of the pop culture stuff, and I think I aced all the book knowledge questions. "If a patron says she likes Barbara Delinsky, which of the following titles would you recommend?" "What was the name of Bob Woodward's latest book?" Maybe in six months I wouldn't do even as well as I did on an equivalent test, but when I took it, I was the Bookstore Queen. So, in looking at my test, they're going to see someone who apparently lives in a cave, but knows damn near everything about currently popular books. Plus, she can write a fairly coherent essay, and she can read a chart. Maybe that's enough.

I heard about this position from someone who reads me here. If he was at the test, he forgot to wear his "I HEART ANA NG!" t-shirt, so I had no way of recognising him. Anyway, you know who you are, and thanks again for letting me know about the position.

Now all I have to do is wait, and try not to obsess. The test administrator said we would be mailed our results in two weeks, but I don't know if that's really two weeks, or the same "two weeks" that actually equals more than a month that it took for me to find out I was invited to the test.

I really want this. I'm trying to tell myself it's not going to happen, everyone else there was an actual Library Science major who reads a newspaper occaisonally; I am a Fazolian, and really, that's enough for right now. But I can't help it. As long as I know I have the slimmest of chances, I'm going to keep hoping it will somehow work out.

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