See, listening to country music all damn day every day is only the beginning of my pain. The local station finds a song it likes, and plays it to death. And then it plays it again, just in case you missed it the first eight times it played that day.

Today, I was going to be all scientific-like. I planned to keep a running total on the back on my order pad of what songs I heard the most, so then I would have actual hard numbers to back up this rant. The station was fucking with me, though. I only heard the classics maybe twice each, and a whole bunch of entirely new material. How can I turn that into an entry?

Oh, I know. I'll just ignore the numbers and rant anyway.

Keep in mind, I know few of the actual titles, and almost none of the artists. I'm trying to keep the "Country music processing" parts of my brain as small as possible.

"Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses" I have yet to actually hear this song in its entirety. I hear that line all the time, and I have no context at all for it. It worries me, though. Horses? Drinking beer? The fuck?

"I may be a real bad boy, but baby, I'm a real good man." Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up! Right now! This a relatively new one, I think, but in the week that it's had to work its way into my subconscious, I hate it a little more, every time I hear it. I HATE this song. And I hear it All. The. Time.

"Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand, there was always love in Daddy's hands" This one cracks me up, actually. I sing along. "Daddy's pa-ants! Daddy's pants! There was sooo much love in Daddy's pants!" That's what I heard, the first time I heard the song. Now, I like to think that the WPKR gods play this song hourly, just for me, just so I don't go completely insane.

"Iiiii am a ma-an of constant sorrrooooow...." Hee. This one is always introduced as being by The Soggy Bottom Boys. I'm still not sure if PKR knows that The Soggy Bottom Boys were the fictional group in Oh Brother Where Art Thou. I don't want to know, really. It's funny if they don't know, but it's maybe a little funnier if they do. It's a private joke I get to share with them, because I are smart. Either way, though, I get to groove to George Clooney, and for a few minutes, work sucks a little less.

"Have you forgotten? How it felt that day? To see your homeland under fire, and the people blown away?" No, I haven't, actually. I hear this song every 27 minutes. How can I ever forget? OK, that was harsh. Good message, nice effort, yadda yadda. But can I please hear something else now?

"A carrot top, who can barely walk, with a sippy cup of milk. A little blue-eyed blonde, with shoes on wrong, cuz she likes to dress herself. The most beautiful girl, holding both of them. The view I love the most is my front porch looking in" I used to know important stuff, like what happened during Andrew Jackson's presidency. Now, I know country music lyrics instead. I'm frightened.

"When you're a celebrity, it's adios reality. Actin like a fool, and people think you're cool, just cuz you're on TV." I think I might actually get into this one, just a little. Don't you judge me. Look at the rest of the crap I have to listen to all day.

"Pour me something tall and strong, make it a hurricane, before I go insane. It's only half past twelve, but I don't care. It's five o'clock somewhere." A week ago, this was another one that I might, if threatened, admit to liking, just a little bit. But PKR has ruined it for me. I heard this song three times today, in seven hours. There really aren't a lot of songs I can still like after that many listens. This is definitely not one of them.

Oh, and for the record, TIME ZONES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!! If it's really half past 12, that means it's half past 5 somewhere! NOT 5 o'clock!!

Sorry. That's been bugging me for days.

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