Have you seen these?
A Year in Books - 2009-12-27
Skip Tracer, Loan Detective - 2009-11-22
New Job - 2009-11-03
The coleslaw got served. - 2009-10-21
Probably a new job. But maybe not. - 2009-10-08

A night at home.
2001-12-03 12:51 p.m.

"So, what do you want for Christmas, little girl?"

"I totally told you last night, dude."

"D'oh!"

"I can't believe you don't remember. I feel so loved."

"Tell me again."

"Man. It sure is nice that you listen to me. We had like a 20 minute conversation about it."

"D'OH!"

"We were in BT's car...."

"Oh, yeah! You want the new Sims expansion!"

"Uh, no. Well, yes. But that's something I asked my parents for. That was a different 20 minute conversation."

"..."

"I want a digital camera."

"Oh, that's right. You want the Lego camera, because you think all your pictures will turn out looking like they were made of Legos."

"Hee! That would be so cool!"

"Um, I don't think that's really how it works. See, you build the camera out of Legos, but then--"

"I know, I know. But my way would rock."

***

Editor's Note: Oh, come on. It would. It totally would. And I'm pretty sure that even though I don't have the technology, someone does. Digital images are made up of millions of little bits, right? So, all I'm saying is, edit the bits. Take out some shading. Make the curves and angles blockier. Turn all the peoples' heads into yellow balls with painted faces. Instant LegoVision.

Basically, arrange all the millions of bits into blocks of larger bits with funny knobs on top. That would be hilarious. I really think I'm onto something here. I hereby offer this idea to anyone who can actually carry it out. Those Lego International executives read me all the time, you know. Hey, guys? I want 20%. Thanks.

***

"HA!"

"You're so cute, talking trash to the crossword puzzles"

"I am kicking this puzzle's sorry ass! I know a four letter word for France! Do YOU know a four letter word for 'France, once'?"

"No. No I do not. You are much smarter than I. Please, Ana, tell me a four letter word for France."

"It's Gaul. The Puzzle thought it could make me look stupid, but I knew that one! I laugh at you, Puzzle! I mock your feeble attempts to outsmart me! Ha! Ha ha ha ha HA!"

"I thought Gaul was Spain."

"..."

"I could be wrong, though."

"Uh, let me get back to you."

***

"So, are you sucking the marrow out of life?"

"Wha?"

"In this movie. Steve Martin just said he wants to suck the marrow out of life. Are you sucking the marrow out of life?"

"Um, probably not. But I know what he's quoting. Thoreau."

"Wow. OK. That answers my question."

"Hmmph. Well, are YOU sucking the marrow out of life?"

"No, I guess not."

***

"Now wait a minute."

"What?"

"What's ambrosia made of? I need a seven letter 'Ambrosia ingredient'. I don't remember it being made of anything."

"Um, it's probably a drink or a dessert or something. They're not talking about classical mythology ambrosia."

"Oh. Right. Of course. I knew that."

"You were thinking of a 4000 year old cookbook, weren't you? Homer's Odyssey of Flavors!"

"You know what the trouble here is? I'm too smart. I'm just thinking all superextra smart when I don't really have to. You hear me puzzle? I'm TOO SMART."

"Uh, yeah. That must be it."

***

"Whoa! It says here in the paper...ok, it's a story about George Harrison, and it says that there are now car stereos with more power than the Beatles used when they played Shea Stadium."

"Yeah, so?"

"But wait. That can't be right."

"Yes it can. OK, look at our little stereo. Now, if I had some decent speakers--"

"Ohhhh. Speakers!"

"..."

"I was thinking about, you know, a tiny little car stereo set up on a stage, and--"

"What??"

"I get it now. Speakers. Nevermind."

***

"Hey hon?"

"Yeah?"

"Gandalf isn't really dead, is he?"

"I'm not telling you that!"

"I don't want to know how he comes back, I just wanna know if he does. Yes or no."

"You'll have to read the rest of the books."

"I'm also really upset about that ending. Boromir's talking all crazy, so Frodo and Sam take off alone. They'll never make it! They're only hobbits! You can't end a book with that!"

"It's a trilogy."

"But...but..."

"Trilogy."

***

"Wow. It's 12:30. I did a lot of living today."

"Yup."

"I mean, I worked, I did laundry, and then I've spent the last six hours right here on the couch. You did your thing, and I did mine, but we kept connecting for all these random conversations. You watched TV and read; I read the papers, I did the crossword, we watched that movie..."

"So, was it a good day?"

"Yeah. Definitely. We should do this again sometime."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

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