So, Wednesday, I'm going to Planned Parenthood for the first time. (I almost did an entry called "100 Things You Really Didn't Want to Know" Then, I decided to write about my birth control history instead.)

See, for a long time, D. and I used condoms. Then, about three years ago, we had The Pregnancy Scare. I was just starting at the Casino, and the doctor gave me a handful of pill packets, enough to last until my insurance kicked in, and then some. Then, for a long time, it wasn't a problem, because the insurance covered everything. Yearly exam, and most of the actual prescription.

Basically, I went right from Dumb Kid Doing What She Can (condoms) to Full Fledged Grownup (Hospital, doctors, and insurance to cover it all) without ever having the in between stage of Young Adult Going to Planned Parenthood.

Then, we moved here. I no longer had insurance. The magic pills suddenly cost $25, instead of $5. Not that big a deal.

In March, the prescription ran out. If you remember March, I was butt pathetic poor. I called Planned Parenthood, and learned that although it is income based, the average cost for an exam was $120. I didn't have $120.

I had extra pills, though. The first time I saw the doctor he had just reached into a drawer, and gave me a whole handful of packets. (Incidentally, that was when I decided, Wow. I want to be a doctor when I grow up. Imagine if I was a heroin addict. He'd just have reached into another drawer, and pulled out a handful of needles...) I'd switched to buying them with my insurance as soon as I could, so I still had two extra months.

Last month, I actually tried to call Planned Parenthood, but learned that the earliest they could fit me in was this week. So, I'm down to my last two weeks of birth control, and I'm going to Planned Parenthood on Wednesday.

I'm really nervous about it. My fears range from Pretty Damn Unlikely to Downright Delusional, but I've been stressing about them in varying degrees for the last month.

1)I'm too rich. Technically, I probably could afford to go to a real doctor. It would suck a lot, but I bet I could, barely. Maybe I make too much to qualify.

2) I'm too old. "Whaaat?? You don't have insurance, and you're how old? Sorry, Missy, but Planned Parenthood is for young people. At practically 27, you're supposed to have your shit together enough by now to pay for a real doctor, or at least have a job with an insurance package."

3) The receptionist, or maybe god help me, the doctor, is going to be someone I know. What the hell was I thinking, going to the clinic not five blocks from my parents' house? I bet I could have found the Springfield clinic. Maybe even the Anhk-Morpork clinic. Maybe I should have made the appointment in Toronto, or Madrid. Why oh why oh WHY did I deliberately set myself up for getting a pap smear from someone in my high school Geometry class? (Doctor AnasOldFriend, looking between my thighs: "Wow! You haven't changed a bit!")

4) Wednesday is actually the day the Zenith Right-to-Life crowd stages their weekly protests. I'm going to get pictures of fetuses shoved in my face, or buckets of blood dumped on me, or something. ("Birth Control is Murder! Ana?? Is that you?? You haven't changed a bit!")

***

So, yeah. Most of the stuff, I know is silly. But I am a little worried about the cost. I've got $300 to put towards this. That's got to be enough, right? If, of course, I can qualify at all. Oh well. I don't want to think about this anymore. Besides, if the doctor does turn out to be someone I know, I bet he or she can sneak me through.

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