The last time this happeened, Patti ended up calling me back an hour later to say, no wait, I guess we'll be ok after all, so just come at your usual time. Maybe that will happen again.

I'm trying to tell myself that really, even if she doesn't, money is good, and there are probably hundreds of people who go nine hours without a cigarette all the time. Word on the street is they call themselves "nonsmokers."

So right now, I'm powersmoking, and drinking coffee, and hoping it will all work out. I could of course sneak outside for a cig at some point, but I'm really not supposed to, and I absolutely shouldn't ever leave the store if there are any customers. Since Thursday is the day the new magazines and new books arrive, there's usually someone in the store all day long, and there's a really good chance I wouldn't even get five minutes to be a bad employee.

Silly thing to rant about, I know. Come on, though. You can't expect my every entry to be as impressive as the book list one. What do you people want from me? Back off, man! I said BACK OFF!

Heh. Must be time for more coffee. Oh, and how's about another cigarette?

***

So, what else is new in my life?

As near as I can tell, I owe $280, and then the car is MINE, all MINE. My usual payment is $190, but since this is a 5-payday month for me, I'm kind of thinking about just paying the damn thing off. I'm also kind of thinking about how I need more birth control, and the car really would be happier with an oil change, oh, and I haven't actually bought food in a few weeks.

See, I'd deferred on my student loans again last July, just to give myself a little breathing room. I started paying those again in January. So, it's only the past four months that have really sucked financially, but I've had just about enough.

Ah, sweet, sweet spending money. I have dreamed of you for so long. Of course, I'm still very very far from debt free. Counting all the deferments I've done over the years, I'm probably about four years away from an end to the brain payments, and my credit cards are getting scary again. My plan is to take the money I'm not spending on the car to slap the credit cards down for a while.

According to my calculations, I can spend $200/month on the cards, $150 on the brain, $225 on rent, and $125 on utilities and still have extra $$ every single month. It's like some wonderful dream.

Real grownups are probably looking at those figures and shaking their heads. It's just like your life, only smaller. Just to put it in perspecive, I'm doing all this on roughly $12,000 a year. I'm living below the poverty line, here, but I'm making it.

About once a month, I'll see a better job in the paper that I think I might actually enjoy, and send off a resume, but there's no real pressure. Until I find someone crazy enough to give The Waitress a job with real responsibilities, I can keep going like this. I hope I don't have to, but I can.

***

One more thing, that kind of ties into this. Paul and I were talking about birthdays coming up. I'm now less than three months away from the big three-oh. (In my brain, I'm thinking of it as "T-minus whatever" just because that amuses me.) I won't be debt-free by 30. I won't have started a family, or even be married. I might not even have a "respectable" job by the time I'm 30.

But actually I think I'm ok with that. When I really think about it, yeah, of course I'm disappointed that I'm not doing more. But, there are so many people I know who aren't even doing as well as I am. My car will be PAID FOR by June, at the latest. Can you say that?

And, overall, I really do enjoy my life. Maybe I wouldn't enjoy a more "traditional" post-college experience nearly as much. I am NOT my job. (I am not my fucking khakis, etc.) It's really nice to have the freedom to say, ok, this life of mine kind of sucks, what can I do to change it? If I had a "real" job, and discovered I didn't like it, I'd be forced to find something equivalent, just to cover the lifestyle. I'd have an insane-sized car payment, maybe a mortgage, maybe a few kids to worry about. I don't want that. Instead, I only need to come up with $700 a month, and a few bags of kitty treats. My lifestyle is, if nothing else, pretty low maintenance.

previous--next