This is my brain on itself.|
2008-04-22 1:05 p.m.
This was going to be the entry where I bragged that I hadn't had a cigarette for two weeks. Unfortunately, last night I failed the Hanging Out With Smoking Friends Test. I thought I was totally fine watching Chrys smoke. Then, an hour later, I bummed one from her.
After the first few drags, I didn't even really enjoy it, but this morning my brain was up to its old tricks again, all trying to convince me nothing goes better with coffee and internets than a cigarette.
My brain is fucking nuts. It often tells me things that I know aren't really true. Usually, it sticks to "You suck and not even your cats really like you and what the hell is wrong with you anyway" and I've mostly learned to ignore it. Realizing that my brain also apparently wanted me dead was an important breakthrough.
I'd been stuck at two cigarettes a day basically forever. That's not a physical addiction, and I knew it. Once I was able to convince myself that once again, my brain sucks, quitting was surprisingly easy. (Right now, my brain is trying to tell me that these last few paragraphs are textbook examples of crazy-talk. The scary thing is, I think my brain may have a point there. That is how it happened though. Let's just move on.)
I've noticed two big changes in the last two weeks. First of all, outside smells wonderful. I don't know if it's because I generally kept myself inside all winter, or if it's the fabled "return of taste and smell" the anti-smoking literature all promises, but seriously, I can't get over how awesome this spring smells.
I'm smelling a lot of it, because I'm sleeping better and waking up with excess energy. For about 10 days now, I've been going for about an hour-long walk every day. My best guess is that I walk 2-3 miles, but GoogleMaps doesn't recognise bike-only paths, so I can't really get a good estimate.
I've become inordinately fond of little foot bridges. Several of my usual routes cross and re-cross the same creek multiple times, and every single time the smell of fresh water makes me giddy.
My bike needs new tires. I hope to get on that sometime next month, and then there will be no end to the number of times I'll cross Wingra Creek.