Thursday night:

"OK, this is it. If we go out and elope RIGHT NOW I'll get to be married before Sarah."

"She'd kill you."

I was only half serious, anyway. I spent a long time wondering if I was worried that my younger sister got married before I did, and then I worried because I wasn't particularly worried about it after all. She's five years younger than I am, and here she is, making this huge grownup step that I haven't made yet. That's bad, right?

Maybe not. We lived different lives, and overall, I'm happy with who I am right now. Getting caught up in some Victorian ideal where the oldest daughter has to be married first is stupid.

The only thing that sucks now is that when I get married, I think I want a wedding exactly like my little sister's. I can't see changing a single detail. The location was perfect. The pastor, who was an old family friend, made Star Wars jokes. There were many Converses. Sarah looked gorgeous.

(She can claim that the style of the dress she liked was only available with red trim, but red has been her color ever since she was old enough to voice a preference. Red simply had to be one of her wedding colors. So that's the one thing I'd change if it were me. I prefer green.)

I know that when or if I get married, I'll make all these decisions on my own. Maybe I'll come up with something almost as good. Right now, though, it's hard to imagine how.

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