It really is going well. TWO cigarettes a day is really pretty damn amazing. I'm proud of myself.

I will do this. (I'm still not 100% sure I believe that. But at least it seems possible now. A month ago, I was sometimes telling myself that if I got down to 1 light cigarette a day, that would be good enough. Now, I sometimes think I really could just give them up altogether. Maybe.)

I sometimes wonder if I'm developing all kinds of scary borderline obsessive compulsive issues re cigarettes. I count out the number of cigs I get each morning, and mentally plan out when I get to have them. Then, as the Cigarette Hour approaches, I start counting the minutes.

I haven't smoked in my car in about a month. I used to smoke constantly while driving, but very early on, I tried to differentiate between physical addiction cigarettes and mere habitual ones. Under this system, car cigarettes were classified as habitual, and thus unnecessary.

(A week after I decided no more car cigarettes, I cleaned out my car, top to bottom, including the inside windshield. Smokers in the hizzouse, let me just tell you, damn. Try cleaning your inside car windows. It's disgusting. Then, of course, my car reeked of Windex, so I lit a stick of incense. I realized the next day that now my car probably has a faint patina of incense smoke on all the windows, but I decided that was preferable to suffocating in Windex fumes. But I digress.)

After-meal cigarettes are also mostly habitual. I'd always heard that chewing gum is a good way to get the food taste out of your mouth, and then you don't want the cig so much, but I was astounded to find out it really worked. A tin of Altoids gum is exactly the right size to hold 10 or so pieces of gum, and two cigarettes.

(Sarah actually told me about the Altoids gum, but since she uses gum solely as gum, she found the Altoids gum to be a quick burst of flavor, then disgusting. However, when all you want is the quick burst of flavor, and when you work in restaurant and chewing gum all day is unhygenic, gum that's unpalatable five minutes after you start it is precisely what you want. Also, I can't ignore the convenience of that little tin as a single-cigarette transport. It's like the stuff was specifically designed for my needs. Two nicotine-stained thumbs up for Altoids gum is basically what I'm saying here.)

The one thing Altoids can't do for me is help with the First Cigarette. I don't have to have a cigarette immediately after I wake up anymore, but I have yet to make it three hours after waking up without one. Coffee only makes me want it more. I had to learn the hard way that wintergreen gum and coffee do not mix.

Maybe that will be my goal for the rest of this week. Push that First Cigarette back an hour each day. I've already proven that it is possible to go "just one more hour." I just need to work on doing that in the mornings.

I think that if I could cut out the First Cigarette, I really could beat this no problem.

Nonsmokers are probably really confused now. "But if you have your first cigarette at, say, 5pm, doesn't that make it, by definition, the 'first cigarette' of the day?" Not really. I'm not sure why, but there is something extra delicious about a cigarette first thing in the morning. No other cigarette at any point in the day even comes close. Smokers know exactly what I'm talking about.

My current theory is that if I could get past that three-hour window, maybe any other cigarettes wouldn't have that special morning magic, and could thus be eliminated easily.

(I just spent two hours thinking of almost nothing but cigarettes. Strangely, I don't particularly want a cigarette. Somehow, I'm still convinced I can make it till at least 8pm tonight, maybe even later, without smoking. Unless you're a smoker, you have no idea how astounding this is.)

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