"Hey, T just came in here. He said he's sorry for missing his shift last week, so I told him you were really mad, and that you were the one who he had to apologise to if he wanted his job back. So, really make him squirm, OK? Here he is"

I only talked to him for about five minutes. The entire conversation made me feel too dirty. I accepted his apology, and made him promise to never, ever do it again, but my heart just wasn't in it. Apparently, making someone grovel for a shitty minimum wage job is quite simply not what I'm about. I'm pretty sure it's not a character flaw. That's just how I roll.

So I listened to myself lecturing him, and I just kept thinking, "So, this is what selling my soul feels like..." It doesn't feel as good as you might think.
***
I totally failed the "two cigarettes a day" week, so I'm having another one. In the interests of cutting down, though, I switched to Marb Mediums instead of Reds. Shut up. Baby steps, OK?

It feels like I've been doing this gradual cutting back thing forever. If I'd just stopped smoking a month ago, I'd be all cured by now. Instead, I'm miserable basically 24/7.

OK, that's not even true. Two cigarettes is going quite well for me, this time. There's at least four hours before I can let myself have that last cigarette of the day, and I have no problem with that. I look forward to each and every excruciating minute of the next four cigarette free-hours. *twitch twitch* Yes, indeed.


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