The first week in July, I finally worked up the nerve to ask her how things are progressing.

Apparently, K wants the salaried slot too. A month ago, it would have been me, with just a little more work. But K has really been going above and beyond lately, and so HBL is spending this month watching both of us, and trying to determine who "wants it more."

(Also, I don't think there's going to be a west side store anymore. I have no proof of this, but a lot of things have been said which make more sense only in that context. This makes it all trickier though, because it means K and I can't BOTH be salaried.)

Today, I had an epiphany. I really don't want it very much at all. IF I became the 3rd salaried manager, yes, I'd make more money. But I'd pretty much have to stay there at least another year or two. That's a depressing thought.

Also, if I were salaried, I'd have to have kind of a bizarre gentleman's (?? I know, but there is no equivalent feminized term) agreement thing where I agree to give at least a month's notice. As a mere AM, I can play the "Two weeks and fuck you" card with impunity. That's a good fantasy to maintain, some nights.

I'm not going to do anything foolish, of course. I'll wait and see how this month plays out. I'll keep doing my best, and if I get the promotion, that's great, er, kind of. If I don't, it's really ok.

I've been "almost promotable" for a really LONG time. (When did this nonsense start? March??) I need resolution on this, one way or the other.

I'll even admit that K is a good candidate. In a lot of ways, she's a stronger manager than I am. I would have no problem with her as my boss. (I say that now. But she is 12 years younger than me, and I was an AM four months longer, and I'm really kind of petty sometimes. Maybe that would be enough to finally nudge me in the direction of a job hunt again.)
***
I don't mean to be constantly whining about how much work sucks. I just know that there are probably dozens of people in the world who actually enjoy their chosen careers, and I wonder sometimes why I can't be one of them.

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