Peniswarmers
2006-05-11 10:52 a.m.
I know how to crochet now. It's uncanny. Bentoni suggested that I may have tapped into ancestral memories. It's possible. One minute I had no clue, and the next, everything clicked for me. In the span of an hour, I figured out how to do tubular shapes, and how to close them up at one end with no assistance from anyone. I even have some theories about how to attach multiple small tubes to a larger one. KC said she felt like the mother whose baby learns to walk while she's out running errands. ("I only went to the grocery store! I was gone 10 minutes! I missed Baby's first steps, and now Baby's walking all over the place.") Crochet takes a really long time. According to my calculations, approx. 220 stitches (maybe 6 square inches) took me about an hour last night. I can't imagine why people do this for fun. I have one leg completed. It's about six inches long, and two inches in diameter. Thanks to Bentoni, it looks exactly like a peniswarmer to me. There's really nothing else it could possibly be. (When he saw my first draft, made with KC's scrap yarn, it reminded him of a story one of his female co-workers told him once about how she had to knit peniswarmers for her husband, and then when he met the guy, it turned out he knew him already, and now whenever he sees this guy, all he can think about is knitted peniswarmers.) There's technically another leg done, but it displeases me. It's not long enough (relatively easy to fix), and too wide (not fixable at ALL, damn and blast). Also, it's not a straight tube, but kind of annoyingly conic. My current plan is, once Ellen has her baby, I'll close off the jumper somehow, stuff it, and make it into a little crotcheted Cthuluish toy. It will be adorable. Maybe the mutant leg could end up as part of the head or something. A LOT of sweat and cursing created that whateveritis, and I'm reluctant to just unravel it.
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