"As with knitting tension is all important. Hold the yarn any way that is comfortable and maintains tension of the yarn.
Left Handed crochet is just the opposite."

So, I'm supposed to hold the yarn in an uncomfortable way, then? Should I maybe set the yarn on fire? Or shove it up my nostril, perhaps? That would be uncomfortable. I realize the real problem here is grammatical, but it amused me.

Then, there was this: "Left-handed crochet has been practiced for hundreds of years..." Like it's some l33t skill that people try only when regular crochet gets too easy.

That seems to be the crux of the problem, actually. All the sites I've found assume that I already know how to crochet. They're all "YO the double stitch" as if that actually means anything to a sane person. (Another small bit of amusement I'm getting from this is the constant use of YO. It means "yarn over.")
***
I told KC my plan of her teaching me to crotchet baby booties. She immediately thought of a jumper with eight legs. I confessed that that was my original vision too, but I knew it would be too complex for my 1st project. She offered to do the legs, and attach them, so I could spend the session just working on a relatively simple tubular body shape.

(We went to buy yarn.

KC: "So, do you want something baby-colored, or something evil and dark? This is a very evil red right here."

Me: "Hmm. I've always enjoyed the multicolored stuff."

KC: "Well, ok, but that doesn't answer the question. It could still go either way. What you have to ask yourself is, are you carrying a baby demon or a demon baby?"

Random shelf stocker: "What an interesting conversation.")
***
We went back to her place, and she showed me how to do the first row. Then, she started trying to explain the second row.

"Oh, wait. You're left-handed. I think you have to do something different. Maybe you should look for instructions online."

She also pointed out that she hadn't crocheted in years, and maybe she was confusing the stitches with knitting somehow.

So, I'm looking at the diagrams, but they aren't really helping. Basically, there's this three-part loop, (but I think there's only two parts if you turn it backwards) and I take one part of it, YO, then pull it through itself. I can't really tell what any of the diagrams mean by the start of the one loop and the end of the other. So I grab a random part, pull it through itself, and then have no idea what part to grab next.

By this point, I've examined my little snarl from so many different angles that I've forgotten which is the correct alignment. So, I pull out everything, and make another first row. I'm getting damn good at first rows.

One of the sites I found had some relatively sane information. Find a right-handed crocheter, and sit ACROSS from her. (If you sit next to her, you'll both just get screwed up) Mirror all of her movements. This makes a lot of sense to me. My whole life I've been screwing things up by mirroring movements instead of copying them. Lefties in the house will understand.

Of course, that solution leads to whole new worlds of pain. Even if I do somehow figure this out, KC will still be crocheting her part right-handed. That's fucked up, right? The finished product will contain both right- and left-handed rows. Part of it will look backwards. I think.


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