I have a cheat sheet, with about 18 steps. Steps 1-5 are deceptively simple, and take a total of five minutes. Step six is a bastard. Step six is writing out, by hand, possible availabilities for 20-some associates, for seven individual days. Steps 7-10 are easy. Step 11 is another time-consuming one. I don't have the cheatsheet here, but you get the idea.

Basically, I looked at the cheatsheet, which fills practically an entire page, and I panicked. Then, I started doing it, and was momentarily lulled into a false sense of security. Then, I found out that even though Step 14 takes up the least physical space on the cheatsheet, "Make daily shift planners" really means, "Fill in 10-20 names. Repeat seven times."

I'm going to be doing schedules for the rest of my life. I'm going in an hour early today, and if I need to, two hours tomorrow. That should be enough time to finish Feb 2, but then I've got to get started on Feb 9 almost immediately. The only way I'll get any break is if the restaurant randomly closes for a few months.

The salaried manager who used to do the schedules, whom shall henceforth be known as Riker (because she's second in command, and I am a Next Gen dork. Nevermind, moving on.) said she usually takes the book home with her and does the pain-in-the-ass steps in the comfort of her own home, sometimes with beer. She really doesn't want me to do that, though. I don't want me to do that, either. I am not going to work for free.

So, instead, I'm going in early every day FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Logically, I know that all these "extra" hours I'm working just mean that my weekly total will be 38ish, instead of the 34 I was originally given. January sucks, and hours must be scrounged whenever an opportunity presents itself.

However, I'm starting this in a personal eight-day work week, and I really think the breadstick fumes are starting to affect my brain. Last week, my days off were Thurs and Fri. This week, it's Tues and Weds. EIGHT days in a row of work. It's ridiculous. I'd like to say that it's something that damn sure won't be happening on MY schedules, but I don't think that's even a decision I get to make.

Head Boss Lady does the manager schedules. Lately, since there are not enough "manager" slots to go around, the AM's each get about three "manager" shifts a week. Then, it becomes my job to get the AM's to almost acceptable levels on the associate schedule. The AM's have, generally speaking, the most flexible schedules, and can be put in whatever days they are most needed. Sometimes, this means that they get damn screwy schedules.

Ideally, I'd like a normal, American, five-day work week. I work in a restaurant, so I understand my days off can't be the weekend. But all I want is a consistent two days off in a row. This used to be something I'd whine about, but now that I'm the puppetmaster pulling the schedule's strings, I'm beginning to see what a complete fantasy that really is.

You will work the hours you are assigned and like it, biznitch. Just be grateful you're getting hours at all.

But no, Ana, please, you're killing me.

I'm sorry, Ana. I did the best I could. This is harder than it looks, you know.

Man, that new chick making the schedules is a real psycho, am I right?

You said it.

I know. Did you SEE last week?

Dude, I KNOW.

All of you, knock it off. I am the Schedulinator! And you will bow before me!

Um, just a quick point? How many of us are having this conversation right now? I kind of lost track.

I have no idea.

Me neither.

DAMN, do we need a day off.

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