They tried to call me in today. I had to say no, because Regional Manager Man freaks out when people have overtime. Totally dumb policy. I might actually have agreed to work today, just because next week I'm only scheduled for 30 hours so far, and I'd like a little overtime when I can get it. But I was a good little Fazolian and said I shouldn't work today.

On the other hand, I might have said no, even if I was allowed overtime. TEN DAYS, yo. Seven of them started at 8am.

I hate the opening shift for a lot of reasons. First, of course, it starts too damn early. The main problem though, is that it NEVER goes off as planned.

When I was training, I worked mostly mornings. I got very good at getting everything turned on and set up, with time to spare. Of course, Head Boss Lady was always there too, and she did everything else. "It's nothing much," she told me once. "I print out your paperwork for the day, and answer the phone."

The paperwork is in fact nothing. But oh, how I hate the phone. Every single time the phone rings before 10 am, it means I'm going to lose 20 minutes of prep time.

Maybe it's someone with a huge catering order. Maybe it's another restaurant, who wants to know if we have extra somethings they can borrow for a few days. Maybe it's Luanne. (Luanne is...special. When I was training, I was told that she will call sometimes, depressed because no one loves her. I haven't had one of those calls yet. Mostly, she wants to know what sales were like on a random day, or everyone who is working every day for the next week. But since she's kind of emotionally unstable, I don't want to just say "Fuck off, you freak. I really don't have time for this right now." So, I make up some numbers for her, and tell her she did a really great job filling parmesan shakers for two hours last week before I even start hinting that I should maybe get back to work now.) Maybe it's someone scheduled to work who is now sick, or missed the bus, or whatever.

Those are the worst. Those mean I have to scramble to find someone else to work. About half the workers are in high school, so they're out. Half the remaining ones have a second job or would need to find a babysitter, so they're out. That leaves me with 2-4 people who will probably not answer the phone. I call them, and leave messages. I start calling the people who will probably say no, and if they actually answer the phone, they say no. I just wasted 20 minutes on the phone, and I'm still going to be short staffed.

After five days in a row of this nonsense, I was actually whimpering every time the phone rang yesterday. Oh, it's just my pasta prep guy, calling from his cell phone because he doesn't want to walk 20 feet and ring the doorbell to be let in. Oh, hi, Luanne. Um...Five thousand six hundred and ninety eight. Yes, that was busy. Yes, I'm glad you were working. Look, hon, I hate to run, but I'm really kind of busy right now...

And that was IT. I actually got through the rest of my stuff without incident. When the middle shift manager came in, I had everything done. "The phone DIDN'T ring. It was magical." She was just as thrilled as I was.

It's kind of a running joke that if anything will go wrong, it will happen during MY opening shifts. Who was working the day THREE different repair guys had to be called? Who was there for Catering Hell Day? Who once had to try and call in not one not two, but THREE people at the last minute on a Saturday?

Other managers get stress-free opens all the time. But I have Bad Opening Mojo, and somehow, my presence makes the entire restaurant crumble to dust as soon as I walk in the door.

I sympathized when Erica called me, but I will confess to a little schadenfreude too. "HA ha! Sucks to be SOMEONE ELSE for a change! You know I'd really love to help, but Regional Manager Man would get all pissy if I worked today, and we certainly don't want that. HA ha!"

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