I don't want a relationship. I'm pretty sure of that. But the vibrator, although my new bestest friend, is maybe not really enough. So I'm spending a lot of time lately wondering if I'm the kind of person who has casual sex.

Amanda first brought the idea up, months ago. She said, "Well, just remember, you ARE a Tau." At the time, I was shocked. Now, I'm thinking she might be right. The trouble is, I honestly don't know. I've never really been in a position where I had to wonder. Since losing my virginity, I have never been single longer than a month.

Stop and think about that. I have never been a single, sexually active adult. Would I enjoy it? I don't know. Let's pretend for a minute though, that I would enjoy it. I would enjoy it very much. Mmmm. Oooh, yeah, baby. Uh, I'm going to need a minute here.

***

Right. So. This has to happen. It either has to happen with someone I know, or with someone I don't know. I'm not completely insane, so I won't post it here, but there is a List. If I know you, you're probably on it.

(You know, I'm really pretty repressed. I was all embarrased, admitting that just now. Then I realized you must have a List too. Everyone does, right? I hope so, anyway. This is exactly what I'm talking about. Sexual freedom? Completely unmapped territory for me.)

So. I have this List. There are pros and cons for every person on it. The biggest con, applying to absolutely everyone, is could I even handle it? Wouldn't it just make a current friendship all strange? I don't think I want to do that.

Maybe I'm the kind of girl who picks up strangers in bars instead. I'm thinking no, but again, I really have no idea at all.

This has all been bouncing around my head for about a month. I thought maybe writing it out would help me think it through, but all I've really accomplished is making myself horny. Time to post another entry, and think about something, anything else.

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