Repeat 4000 times every single day. It's not funny! It was almost funny the first 200 times I heard it, but now, now it's getting a little old.

9) "What's this? I want to order whatever this is." "Um, that's a picture. We don't actually have anything remotely like that on the menu."

Maggie has started going over to the register, getting the scissors, and bringing them to the table. "Suuure! I'll even let you cut it out yourself. Enjoy!" I love Maggie.

8) "When you're done cleaning that, why don't you come over to my place?"

This was never funny. Seriously. Just stop.

7) Separate checks.

6) Separate checks, and then they order the exact same thing.

5) Separate checks, they order the same thing, and then one person pays for all the separate bills anyway. What the fuck?

4) (After I drop of the bill) "Hey, I didn't order this!"

It comes with the meal, badumbum ching. I don't want it either, I've already got a whole bookful of them, wocka wocka wocka. Oh, right, this one (with a signigficantly larger total) is yours, thank you thank you, I'm here all week. Honestly. Don't customers ever get sick of making these same jokes all the time?

3) People who don't tip.

2) People who think a joke I've heard 47 million times is an adequate substitute for a tip.

1) "Do you want anything to drink today?"

"No. Just bring me some coffee."

Are you planning on bathing with the coffee? Sacrificing it to your dark monkey overlords, perhaps? No. You are going to drink it. That means, coffee is "something to drink." Dumbass.

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