Hmm. We've got some guilt and fear over here on the left, general neuroses right behind them (I've got almost the full set! Booyah!) and if you look out your right window, you can see Dallas.

Well, probably not. I've never seen Dallas, so maybe you can't see Dallas anywhere in my brain. I don't know for sure, though. I've never checked. And isn't there a little Dallas in us all?

This is what happens when I don't have anything in particular to talk about.

The internet just went out. I can tell because my ICQ turned yellow. There is something intrinsically wrong with our computer. Neither D nor I really know enough about computers to fix it, but it just can't be right that we're the only kids in town with no cable modem service. I think someone told me once that Noah knows about computers. Maybe when he's here next weekend, I'll snag him for an hour and ask him to pretty please fix whatever the hell we did to it.

Last night, when we'd been sans internet all day, D. asked me to call the cable company and have the tech guy talk me through fixing it. I pointed out that I had done that just a few weeks ago, and it was his turn.

The cable service is in my name. D. had issues convincing them that he was in fact justified in making this call. Finally, they agreed to have someone come look at it on Saturday, if D. would make sure there was someone over 18 home.

Apparently, part of me being The Responsible One in our relationship is, because all the bills are in my name, I get to be the one who always deals with the phone. Splendid. I really should have read the fine print. *Ana makes a superhuman effort to drag the topic far far away from this unpleasantness. I am HAPPY! So very HAPPY!! I believe in Silicon Heaven! I believe in Silicon Heaven!*

ICQ is back, now. I'm kind of disappointed. In my head, I was structuring a whole rant about how I'd have to stay right in this one little textbox in Diaryland, for days, possibly, because I wouldn't be able to post until the internet came back. Maybe it will go out again soon.

***

It occurs to me that of my regular readers, a fairly small percentage will even know what Silicon Heaven is. I still feel like writing, but Amanda and Pete and Lynne, you should maybe just skip a few paragraphs.

There's this show, see, called Red Dwarf. It ran on BBC 15 years ago or so. It's a sci-fi comedy thing and the first five seasons are golden. The sixth and seventh have their moments, but in the 8th season, they brought back Kochanski. Kochanski was Lister's soul mate, see, but she died 3 million years ago. That was one of the neater things about the earlier seasons. Kochanski got a couple cameos in over the years, through time travel and hallucinations and such, and they always reinforced the idea that Lister was the Last Human Alive, still desperately in love with someone he could never ever have. "If it's any consolation Dave, she wouldn't be much good on Fiji now. Not unless it snowed and you needed something to grit the path with."

But in seaon 8, she came back, played by a different actress even, and she's not funny and she whines about everything, and she totally destroyed the whole four slobs in space dynamic of the show and I hate her SO MUCH and--

But wait. I was going to tell you about Silicon Heaven. There are a bunch of different factors leading up to the line "I believe in Silicon Heaven!" but once you get there, it's hilarious.

Kryten is a mechanoid. Mechanoids were created to serve humans. Kryten doesn't believe the stories about how all mechanoids have a chip implanted in them to make them want to do this. He cleans and cooks because it's what he really wants to do, and if he does it well enough, he'll go to Silicon Heaven when his motherboard fries.

"What about Human Heaven?"

"Don't be silly, Sir. Someone just made that up so you wouldn't all go nuts!"

Kryten can't lie. It's not in his programming. Later, he can lie, if he puts a little thought into it. "Lie Mode On: 'Don't worry, Sir. Everything's going to be just fine!' Boy. I'm really getting the hang of this Lie Mode, aren't I?"

(These two bits of dialogue are in totally different episodes. I think. The only true way to watch Red Dwarf is to obtain as many seasons as possible, sit down and watch until your eyeballs bleed. The entire series is blurred in my mind into one beer-hazed weekend-long epic that I saw about 4000 times. College was a strange place in a lot of ways.)

So. There's another scene in yet another episode where Kryten has just found out that his replacement, the Kryten II, will be arriving and he has to turn himself off. He freaks out.

"This is...how things are supposed to be. I've had a good life. *twitches a little* And now, now I get to finally see Silicon Heaven. *twitch twitch* Silicon Heaven IS real! I don't care what you say! *slaps himself on the head a few times* I BELIEVE IN SILICON HEAVEN! I BELIEVE IN SILICON HEAVEN!!*runs headlong into a wall, to calm himself down.*"

Now that I think about it, that might all be one episode. I know Kryten ends up telling Kryten II that Silicon Heaven is a lie, and KII responds, "But...where do all the pocket calculators go?" And that means it must be the one where Lister first tries to teach Kryten to lie.

"Ok, now concentrate. *holds up an orange*What's this?"

"It's...it's a small Chezkoslovakian traffic warden!"

"Yes, yes! That's very good. Now... *holds up a banana* what's this?"

"It's...it's...It's a banana. Oh, I'm sorry, Sir! But it's a banana! It's an oblong yellow fruit with a peel and it's squishy inside! It always has been a banana, and no matter what you say, it will ALWAYS be A BANANA!!"

ICQ is down again, which means my internet is down. I can't check to see if those quotes are accurate, but you get the general idea. Go find yourself some Dwarf. It really is a pretty amazing show.

***

Dammit. I want to get this posted and get on with my life. Since I said up there that I had to post it today, I think saving into WordPad for now is no longer an option. I could go take a shower, but what if the internet came back and went out again while I was gone?

On the other hand, I've already spent far too long randomly spewing quotes from an obscure TV show at you. Who knows what I'll end up typing if I stay here?

***

I took a shower. I realized that when ICQ comes on initially, the menu comes up and doesn't go away until I tell it to. Therefore, if I came back and saw the menu box, I would at least know I had had internet briefly. So, I showered. I still have no internet.

But, I did think of something else to talk about.

Josh had said his place was hiring, so I gave him a resume to give to his boss. He told me last night that the initial interviews may start next month, but the position won't actually be filled until January. January?? I need a reliable source of income right now. And that particular job was so clever in so many ways. It's in town, so I could walk, or I could maybe even catch a ride to work with Josh. That means the car would be available for D. if he needs it. Josh just bought a brand new car, so it must be a fairly well paying position, which is definitely a plus. And, it would involve these mythical "weekends off" that I keep hearing about.

But now I can't even think about hoping for it for 3 months. If I want a job this week, I've gotta do the whole looking at wantads and making phone calls and all that other stuff I hate so much.

I did have an important epiphany last night. As much as I'm whining about the whole situation, it's so much worse for D. He's the one who got fired. So, I'm really trying to be supportive. I'm not even mentioning.... um, all the stuff I won't mention here, either, because it feels so strange talking about him behind his back. Trust me, though, it sucks.

***

And on the plus side, if I won't even be interviewed till sometime next month, next weekend is good to go. I realized a few weeks ago that my LARP days are already pretty insane. There was simply no way I could go to a party Friday night, work Saturday at 7am, and LARP Saturday night. Something had to give. So, I asked off for next Saturday. Important new developments in my finances mean that this is maybe not such a smart idea, but there's going to be so many yummy illicit substances around. And, I won't have to even think about a drug test till January.

***

I'm also pretty excited about my costume. D. wanted a robe of some sort for the LARP, and while I was looking, I saw a silver hooded cape. Silver! Cape!! I figured something like that would have a dozen uses around the home, and it was coming with me, end of story. Then, while scouring Goodwill with KC, I saw a silver dress. Later, I found some glittery body paint. I don't think there's a name for what I'm going to be. I'll just be Silver. Maybe it's kinda like the hyperintelligent shade of blue in Douglas Adams.

I was thinking, and I don't think I've ever, in my whole life, done the Sexy Chica in a Short Dress style of costume. Should be fun. And, did I mention the many many drugs yet?? Hee.

***

OK, That's it. The little bar at the top of the screen tells me I started this mess at 10:19, and it is now 1:26. Even taking the shower into account, I have spent far too much of today writing. This puppy's going into WordPad for now. Maybe someday, I'll even get to post it.

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