No one here knows. I don't think D wants people to know. Here I am, broadcasting it to the entire world, and he hasn't even told any of our closest friends yet. So, yeah. I've got yet something else to feel shitty about in this whole mess. I guess what I'm saying is, if you only know because you read it here, I'd appreciate it if you said nothing to him until he said it first.

I really need to get a few things out of my brain, and then I won't be speaking about it again. Tomorrow, I'll write something fun, and the original entry, and this one, will start slipping into archive obscurity.

***

This is all really scary. He's supposed to get a check with his vacation time on it this week. Nine days is almost two weeks. I can pay rent, and I can make the car payment. After that, I just don't know.

I make, at my various and sundry jobs, somewhere between $80-140 in paychecks, and $120-180 in tips each week. If I stop buying food, I can maybe keep the rent and utilities up to date.

I've known for a long time that financially, I wasn't doing my share. But I do everything around here (laundry, dishes, paying bills, buying groceries, etc.) and I was able to rationalize that it balanced out.

Cosmically, maybe it does. But in reality, life for me is sucking a little more every time I start thinking about it.

I never thought I'd end up as someone whose financial stability absolutely depended on someone else.

It doesn't have to, I know. All I have to do is quit the job I love and also the one that I kind of like, and get something totally evil and corporate. Then, I wouldn't have to worry about money.

But what of love, and happiness, and the state of my immortal soul? Bah! I've got bills to pay.

Fuck.

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