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Where's your thumb now, beeyotch?
2002-02-04 12:09 a.m.

George has to go the vet tomorrow to get his teeth cleaned. Following the vet's instructions, I took away his food dish at 8pm tonight. I swear, I could see his thought process.

Hey! Hu-Man is going by the food dish! I don't think it's breakfast time yet, but I'm not going to tell her that. In fact, I should do everything I can to encourage this two meals a day plan. I'll just purr and rub against her leg and act all cute and stuff.

Whoa whoa WHOA! What are you doing! Where are you taking that?? That's MY food dish! Noooo! It doesn't go up there! How can I reach it if you lock it in the cupboard? Meow!

Hey, I'm not through talking to you. Don't walk away from me! Meow, I say! Meow!!!

Yes, pick me up. Pet me, love me. Blah blah blah Georgie, blah blah food blah blah blah... Food! No, let me down now. Follow me, Hu-Man! See this? See where I am? See what is not here?

Meeeeoooowwwww!!

Jeez. I'm really afraid he's going to crack up completely at 6am tomorrow when I take away the kitty fountain.

***

I have to drop him off at 8am, and pick him up at 3. Apparently, he has to be unconscious to get his teeth cleaned.

See, they know him there. I've seen his file. It has "CAUTION!!!" written across the top in big red letters.

Last week, he went in for his yearly checkup. TWO vets came into the little examination room. He knows them, too. As soon as they came in, he started hissing. One of the vets wrapped his head in a towel and held him down while the other one performed the exam.

"Really," I lied. "He's not like this at all, usually." And he isn't. At least not to that extreme. OK, maybe he's a psycho. He's into play bites. He likes the pouncing on my leg and running away game. But this is nothing at all like what he could do if he wanted to. Honestly, he's just a big ol fuzzy wuzzy who wikes to pway wough sometimes. Oh yes he is! He's a widdle tiger! Oh, yes yes yes!

Um...yeah. You can probably see where I'm going with this, without me resorting to typing baby talk. I'll stop now.

The point is, he usually doesn't pull out the claws unnecessarily. If you provoke him, he will smack you down for it. But he's not evil. He never ever hisses. It's just that as soon as he realizes he's at the vet's, he's totally out of control.

So, the vet wants him unconscious for this cleaning of teeth. It's probably for the best. I know for a fact that without that little syringe, my cat would probably kick the vet's sorry ass.

Yeah, you just HAD to keep on waving that opposable thumb around like you're the mayor of Thumbville. Well, where's your 'thumb' now, beeyotch? Meow!

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