You know what, though? Notes don't work. I don't care what They told you. They lied.

I had so much I wanted to make sure I remembered. Now all I've got to show for it is a half page of gibberish. Plus, of course a whole new brainful of gibberish that I accumulated since not writing Friday.

So, I think what I'm going to do is just babble till I have to start getting ready for work. Maybe I'll cover most of the important bits.

***

Max was here. (Yeah, yeah. Another alias. Bite me.) I drove down to get him Thursday night. He pressed dozens of books into my hands. In retaliation, I forced dozens of books upon him when we got back to Cowtown.

As he was shoving books at me, I remembered an incident from after I left school, and he was still a student. He had been working on a paper about the philosophy inherent in fables, or something. I knew this, and I knew I owned a book that perfectly illustrated this idea. So, the next time I came up for a visit, I brought the book for him.

"But Ana," he said. "I'm graduating in a month. I might not be here the next time you come for a visit."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to make sure we get together again someday."

I've never forgotten the way he smiled when I said that. Sometimes, I say the right thing.

So, Thursday night, he stacked books for me to take home up to the ceiling. Maybe he wasn't thinking about that one brief conversation from five years ago. Maybe he doesn't even remember it. But him wanting me to borrow all those books still made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I'm still going to have to see an awful lot of him.

***

While I was down there, I found myself calling DiaryLand up on his computer.

"DiaryLand??"

(oh no....too late to go back though...)

"See this? These are all Taus. Uh, mostly current. But this one is Warren, and this one is Nurglings, and this one is Prnstr and..."

"Oh no. Oh wow. That's so..."

(what the hell are you doing? abandon conversation! eject eject eject!)

"And this one is me. Ana-Ng."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Blink, blink. "Well, uh, yeah."

And then he changed the subject. I didn't work up the nerve to bring it up again until I was driving him home.

I explained that my journal really wasn't that private, if that was what he was worried about. Sometimes, yes, I talk about the dark and scary corners of my mind, but for the most part, it's fun. Lots of people say they enjoy reading what I write, and I'm proud of it, and I showed it to him because I wanted to share it with him.

That seemed to make things better. But then he mentioned his main fear was that he had envisioned me writing about all the stupid illegal type stuff I do. That's not smart at all.

I confessed that um, well, I do do that sometimes, but I use aliases to protect the not so innocent.

So there it is. At least he's no longer actively recoiling from me and my freaky online exhibitionism.

***

Feh. Gotta go to work. Maybe there's time for one more Max moment.

He put into words something I'd been struggling with since I moved here. The difference between the Taus and the Taunies isn't just the age thing. Mostly, it's that the Taunies aren't students. We don't even talk about going back to school anymore. We're alumni. We're settled into the role.

I wish I knew whether that was a good thing or not. But I've gotta go to work, so I'll think about it, and some other stuff Max made me think of, next time.

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