It was all so simple when he only worked eight hours. Maybe I had to stay sober until 10 or so, so I could drive to either pick him up or drop him off. But after that, the night was mine. In the very worst case scenario, I'd have to be home by two, so I could sleep four hours and pick him up at six.

But now, I've got to be awake at 4am every day. I started out thinking this meant I had to be in bed by midnight. Sleep 4 hours, (which is the minimum I can sleep and reasonably expect to wake up), drive to the plant, come home, and sleep 4-5 more hours.

The trouble is, that means I don't get to see anyone else, ever. Dante is also working the Shifts from Hell. Vincent is working roughly 2-12 at Plant One. Yahn is on 2nd shift now, and he usually gets home between 10:30 and 11. Ditto for Bob, and Alice. If these people were willing to put forth the effort, they could go straight to DiabloLand right after work, and I'd get to see them for at least an hour or two every night. But nooooo! They go home, and eat, and shower, and silly nonsense like that. No consideration at all, I tells ya.

Apparently, people are still converging in DiabloLand, but now the action usually starts around 1am. I can't do that. I just can't. I've got to be sober enough to drive at fucking 4am. I can't be starting to party at 1.

About once a week, D. and I go over there after his shift, but it's just not the same. Everyone else is just reaching their limits, and heading off to bed, and besides, in an hour, D. and Dante will be passing out too.

Last night, I reached a new low. I fell asleep at 10pm. There really wasn't anything else to do. This meant that when the alarm went off at 3:30, I was wide awake. I convinced D. and Dante to do breakfast with me. Vincent was minutes away from Sleep Fu*(see below), but Mia, who had been up all night hanging out, agreed to come to breakfast too. So, I got to see people for a little while today, but now they're all asleep.

I foolishly drank damn near my weight in extremely sugared coffee, and won't be tired till about 2 this afternoon. By then, I'll be at work. I won't get to sleep until 9 or so tonight, and then the whole cycle will start anew.

Dammit! Why 4 to 4? Whose insane idea was that? If you're going to run two twelve hour shifts, does it really matter that much when they start? I could do 7 to 7. 9-9 would be even better. 12-12 would be almost ideal. Why 4-4? Seriously, who wants to be awake at 4am??

And now I feel like a freak, ranting in numbers at you like this. There's an old android saying that I think is particularly relevant here: 1101000101110011101.

***

Ah, but we do have money again. Money is good. Maybe not quite as good as D. seems to think I think, but good nonetheless. He keeps saying, "Are you happy now? Are you glad I'm working so much?" Well, yes and no. It's like he thinks I want him working until he falls over, but it's not like that.

Yeah, it's good to have extra money right now. Yesterday, I went out and bought $150 of shoes and lightbulbs and stuff I'd needed for months. But I don't want him to work himself to death either. I've had this month to regroup the finances from when they were so scary two months ago, and I'll finally be able to get the car fixed, and I won't deny that it has been terrific. But that doesn't mean I want him to keep driving himself till he falls over.

I've tried to explain this, several times. But he keeps asking, "Are you happy now?" Feh. I really don't want him to resent me, or to keep working more than he has to because he thinks that's what I want. I want to have enough to pay the bills. That's all. I was upset for a while, because we weren't doing that. But now that everything is no longer delinquent, I want to see him sometimes, too. I want him to have a life again. Although that means I'd get a life again too, that's really not as important to me. It sounds cheesy, but I just want him to be happy. And I want him to stop acting like it's my fault if he isn't.

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*It occurs to me that of the regular readers, some of you might not be familar with Sleep Fu. And, in my delusional world where thousands of total strangers read me every day, I know they've never heard of it.

Basically, Vincent is the Master of Sleep Fu. He has this catlike ability to fall asleep abolutely anywhere, usually in a position that the rest of us just look at and scratch our heads. When he's tired, he falls asleep. It's that simple. The classic Sleep Fu story: Bob and Vincent, playing CounterStrike. Bob, running into difficulties. "Yo, I could use some backup here! Hey, Vincent! Vincent? VINCENT!" Bob looks over, and sees that Vincent is sitting up, with one hand on the mouse, but he's totally and utterly asleep, and probably has been for some time. That's Sleep Fu. And now you know.

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