Have you seen these?
A Year in Books - 2009-12-27
Skip Tracer, Loan Detective - 2009-11-22
New Job - 2009-11-03
The coleslaw got served. - 2009-10-21
Probably a new job. But maybe not. - 2009-10-08

Mostly Formal.
2001-05-03 12:25 p.m.

All of you suck. I mean that in the best possible way, of course.

Suppose, though, that hypothetically, someone said something to me last weekend. Suppose, hypothetically, it really made me think, and if I let myself think about it even more, it could turn my whole world upside down. I want to think about it. I want to think about it here. But I can't. You're all watching me.

I'm trying to tell myself that you're all completely trustworthy. If, hypothetically of course, I did end up saying something bad about someone I love, you would all keep it to yourselves. But then you would know, and someone still wouldn't, and that's even worse.

So that's why I hate you today. It's not even you, personally. It's all of you. It's what you represent.

***

Right now, I want to start singing. Loudly, and in the silliest voice possible. Anything to distract you from what I almost said right there. And that's also why I hate you. I shouldn't have to feel like I need to cover myself. Not here.

***

So, how 'bout that Formal?

Anne and D. and I dropped around 3. Note to self: Mage has good shit, but one hit is quite simply not enough. This time was even weaker than the Magic trip. I felt, several times, "OK this is it, any minute now, I will be tripping hardcore." But then nothing. We sat and listened to a band setting up. There were dozens of dogs. They were swarming all over us. That was almost freaky. But not quite. We went back to the House. Anne and I called Matt. While she talked to his answering machine, I sang in the background. "Matt Matt Matt. Jo-oh-ohnson, Matt. Matt! Matt! Maaaattt!!" (Uh, name changed, natch) That was almost trippy. I could tell it was coming very close to being trippy for Anne. But again, not quite. She went to Paul's house to change, while D. and I walked home. When we got back to Paul's, I sat outside and had a cigarette. I knew that I had sat on that particular step smoking a cigarette maybe a thousand times. But I also knew that once I went back inside, it would so totally and utterly not be Jack and Anne's place. That was really close to surreal. I could almost feel my mind shifting. But then I finished my cigarette and went inside. "I could so totally drive right now. I could even operate heavy machinery. Damn, does this suck."

While Erin and Anne finished getting ready, I amused myself in ways that might have led some people to think I was fucked up. I wrote "disposable flanges" on the bottom of Paul's grocery list. I turned one of his posters upside down. (It's a Yin and Yang deal. He might not actually notice it for months. Bwah! Trouble is, I hardly ever go there. I need people who visit him to report back to me, when, or if, he finally fixes it.)

We went to Culver's for dinner. That was really really close to complete insanity. Jack was wearing a hippie costume. Anne had a polyester lounge suit. Erin was wearing a really short housedress. D. was in a Venom shirt. I was all sparkly. Bob somehow stood out even more, because he was dressed normally. We were seated at two tables pushed together in the middle of the Culver's dining room. And of course, three of us were really really close to tripping. A lesser mind would have cracked. But it was all just fine.

First thing I did at Formal, I saw Christine sitting by herself at the bar. After one sip of my drink, (An Amaretto Sour, fer chrissakes!) I felt drunk, and stayed that way all night. So, I guess the acid was still working. It kinda sucks though, that all it really did was heighten the alcohol. I wanted to trip, dammit. I could have eventually gotten drunk on my own.

Some highlights:

10 minutes into Formal, Christine, Rob and I were doing the whole talking and laughing far too loudly thing. I had an excuse. I'm not totally sure what they were doing.

Talking with Christine, I heard myself slipping into FargoSpeak. "Yah?" "Oh, yah." I knew it was completely natural. I am, after all, a Wisconsinite. But I still hated myself for it. She also got me saying "amused" again, which isn't really Hicktalk. It's just something we both said all the time. Everything, all the time, was "amusing." Five minutes with the girl, and I was doing it again.

Overall, she was surprisingly easy to talk to. I was dreading seeing her, because I hadn't seen her in so long, and even when I saw her a lot, there was always the "You Are a Psycho" factor. But we just fell into talking, just like always. I think that's how you know who your real friends are. If you find yourself uncomfortable around someone after not seeing them for a while, maybe that just means you never really were that close in the first place.

At one point, Christine and Alice were sitting at the table across from me. (Quick note for the rest of the world: They have the same name, in real life. They're both involved with people who also have the same name. Er, not as them, but as each other. Aah! Bobby and Betty, meet Bobby and Betty. That's what I'm trying to say. Damn, I hate these pseudonyms.) They were both trying to get me to admit they were the truly crazy one. How the hell do you respond to a situation like that? "Uh...you're crazy in....different ways." Strangely, that seemed to please both of them. Maybe that's proof that they are both nuts.

I went to the bar, to subtly suggest to Anne that we go back to my place and get the other two hits. She was far too drunk for subtlety. She followed me back to the table where Christine was sitting.

Anne:OK, if we're going to do this, we need a ride.

Ana:Shhh.

Christine:Where do you need a ride to?

Ana:Um, my place, but--

Anne:Would she give us a ride?

Ana:Um, I'm not sure but--

Christine:What's in it for me? What the hell's going on, anyway?

Anne:Dammit. She says she wants some too. Do you think we can do that?

Mike:Do what?

Ana:Um, apparently, we're trying to get back to my place for, um...something.

Anne:Hey wait. Mike would give us a ride. Let's ask him.

Mike:Ask me what?

Christine:I'm so confused right now.

Mike:Me too.

Ana:Me too. Look, Anne. I don't think this is happening.

Anne: Dammit!

Ana: It's ok. There are a lot of drinks here. Let's go get a drink.

Jeez. It was such a strange conversation, on so many levels. Anne wasn't even really acknowledging the other people, she was just talking about them to me. And of course, at least the two of us were really really messed up.

And then, I followed the people outside to get stoned, and things really got screwy. I had gone from exceedingly pseudodrunk, but probably just barely tripping, to mildly tipsy, to DRUNK. I began hanging all over everyone. I told Vincent we don't hug nearly enough. I french kissed Jack.

All in all, it was a great Formal. Several people hinted at unpleasantness that was apparently all around me, but I managed to stay completely oblivious to it all. Yaay, me.

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