Have you seen these?
A Year in Books - 2009-12-27
Skip Tracer, Loan Detective - 2009-11-22
New Job - 2009-11-03
The coleslaw got served. - 2009-10-21
Probably a new job. But maybe not. - 2009-10-08

All my books suck.
2001-03-13 16:50:09

I need more books. Yeah, I still have a mountain and a half of books I haven't read, but I'm starting to realize something. These are the books no one wanted. The reason the library was getting rid of them was because they suck. I keep reading them, well, because I'm a reading maniac. I must always be reading something or I get irritable.

But, it's really starting to get a little depressing. I want to love a book again. I want to be in the middle of a book that makes me late for work because I simply must finish this chapter. I want a book that will give me something to think about, or even make me smile, for a few days after I finish it. That hasn't happened for a long damn time.

Here are some books you should most definitely avoid. If someone recommends one of them to you, slap them. Hard.

Memoirs of an Ex-Prom Queen. I hate you, Sasha Davis. Oh, how I hate you. You don't need a man. Being beautiful really isn't that important. Get a grip, girlfriend. And the parts where you were all introspective and "a starfish alone and misunderstood in an ocean of other fish," I hated you even more. You were trite. You were sappy. I wanted you to die.

The Number One Best Seller: The True Adventures of Marvin Kitman by Marvin Kitman. OK, Marv. You're kinda funny at times. But you're nowhere near as cool as you seem to think you are.

And Beat Him When He Sneezes. Erma Bombeck, except in 1940. I never much cared for Erma Bombeck. And this Claire MacMurray person is even less amusing than she is. It's a housewife, writing about her kids and her daily life. I suppose at the time, this book was a Sensation. Women don't write! or something. Well, Claire honey, you're doing nothing but reinforcing the stereotypes.

Up the Down Staircase. "Everybody's Favorite Novel!" "I chuckled. I roared. I wept. It became a part of me." Yeah. And Wayne and Garth hurled. I admit it. I got this one because it had that quote on the back cover. Wow, I thought. This must have been the book that originally got that review that "Wayne's World" mocked all the time. Well, lemme tell ya, Wayne Campbell would have so hated this book. A first year teacher in an inner city school struggles to understand the beaureaucratic red tape around her, and still finds time to really care about her students. How special. NOT!!!

Portnoy's Complaint This was another one that I knew I'd heard about, because it was a book that everyone read, back in the day. I've realized something now. Everyone is a moron. Sometimes, as if by accident, the Public manages to embrace something that really is pretty cool. But most of the time, "popular" things suck. A Jewish lad whacks off a lot, and obsesses over his mother. WHY did I read this?? I've already seen it a million times. Maybe that was the trouble. I'd managed to absorb the story through pop culture references, so when I finally saw the original, it just seemed overdone.

Erewhon A satirical look at an undiscovered civilization that is perhaps not much unlike our own. Eh. My man Johnny Swift did the same thing much better, 150 years earlier.

***

So, that's where I am. All the books I've read lately are either things I've never heard of (for a damn good reason) or they're fad books that lost their charm six months after being faddish.

I'm actually scared of my mountain of books now. What new horrors will I be forced to wade through? I want to read something good dammit.

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