Basically, I had another fit of paranoia. Lynne was telling me all about this crazy thing called DiaryLand that her friend Gina had gotten her hooked on. I did not mention that I'd been reading Gina for about two months. I did not tell her that I already knew, from reading Gina, that Lynne had a diary. Instead, I told her that I had one too.

Then the paranoia came. The paranoia came down like a wolf on the fold. (Bonus dork points: Name that allusion!)

I created a new journal. My plan was to confine all the things I have to say about real people to this other journal, which would be public, because I really do enjoy being an exhibitionist. Everyone who knew me would come here, and read my lighthearted thoughts about Twinkies and ladybugs and such. Eventually, I would build a new fan base of people who were reading my real stuff under this totally unconnected name.

Then, I really thought about it.

1) Damn, is that weaselly. If I have anything to say, I should be able to say it right to someone's face, or failing that, write about it in the journal which is admittedly mine.

2) It's not even like I would be saying anything that bad over there. I'm actually fairly conscientious about writing nicely. Out of common human decency, I don't talk random vicious smack about my friends, in real life or in here.

3) If I let myself censor out all the bad things about other people, the next logical step is censoring all the bad things about myself. I love this journal. I've put too much of myself into it to let it turn into just a humor column.

4) I already have a place for the really bad stuff. It's private. Setting up a third journal, for stuff which is bad enough that I don't particularly want to admit it to real people, but not quite bad enough that no one can ever ever know is just plain silly.

***

So, I've abandoned that other journal. It's a pity that I can't just delete it, so someone else could use the name. If your heart is pure, and you want a journal named "BlueThing," (As in, "What's that blue thing doing here?" TMBG, natch.) drop me a line, and I'll give you the password.

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