The point is, this entry is suddenly even more relevant than it was last night. The hidden corners of my mind are the happening new place. Bring a friend. No, I don't mind. Really.)

***

So this is the line between fantasy and reality I've heard so much about? Funny, I always thought it would be thicker...

It's so very odd, having an audience. Yeah, I know. I always pretended I had an audience. But there's a big difference between my screaming hordes of teeming millions and actually having people I know visiting here.

Trying to explain why it's odd makes it even odder. Jay keeps mentioning things that he read here. Each time, my gut instinct is to say "How on earth do you know that? I didn't think anyone knew that!" And then I remember exactly why he knows it. And then my brain starts to hurt a little. I feel like I'm simultaneously talking to my friend Jay, who to be perfectly honest, I really don't know that well, and also to someone who's seen the inside of my brain. I can't help feeling like the outside me and the private me are really two completely different people, and I can't be sure anymore which one he's talking to. It's kinda surreal. (It's like how I was feeling during the whole Poodgims/Abu thing. See, I had this stalker. It was pretty much the only thing on my mind, but I just couldn't write about it. I knew Poodgims would read anything I said, so I didn't want to say "Aaah! Stalker! Brain hurts! Make it stop!" because I somehow thought that it would only make things worse.) The trouble is, now it's going to be even worse because I've written that paragraph. It's a real paragraph, and I sincerely mean every word of it. But I know that some real friends of mine are going to read it, and that's when things start to get tricky. The more I draw attention to it, the trickier it gets. No no no! I don't mind at all! Really! I'm thrilled! I believe in Silicon Heaven! I believe in Silicon Heaven! Twitch, twitch, twitch.

So, you know who you are. This is kinda fucked up, but I'm going to try not to make a big deal about it. It really is totally cool that you're here. It's just that my personal reality had great steaming chunks ripped out of it recently, and I'm trying to adjust. I'll be fine as soon as it sinks in. And that's all I'm gonna say.

***

The really ironic bit is that it was only a week or so before all this started that I happened to be browsing someone else's journal. Whoever it was had a section of advice for other diarists. She said "People are going to find out. If you write long enough, someone from your real life will eventually find you. Be prepared." And then a mere few days later, it happened to me. Life is funny. Life is a fucking hoot.

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