So, last night was far far more fucked up than it really needed to be.

First of all, I should point out that I've been meaning to call my Grandma for about two weeks. (This is actually the good Gramma, for those of you playing along at home. Two weeks ago, I called Gramma A. and arranged to have lunch with her. Then I decided that that was more than enough Hot Gramma Action for one day, and wrote a letter to Gramma B. saying I would call her the following week. Time passed. I worked a lot. I knew I wouldn't be able to reach her on a weekend, and the only times I was remembering I still had to call her were Saturday afternoons. Time continued to pass.)

Last night, I stopped by the House, in order to ask Lynne about how she would feel about getting a Mysterious Package from my stalker. She wasn't around. I had nothing better to do, so I decided to just hang out there till she showed up. Alice and Jim were going off to bug Yahn at work. I tagged along. Then, I went back to the House. God they're freaks. 9pm at night, and the lounge was completely empty. Back in my day, there were always people in the lounge from after dinner till the last syndicated episode of Star Trek was over. But that is neither here nor there. The point is, the lounge was empty. I still had about an hour before I had to pick D. up from work.

There was someone sleeping on one of the couches. (Sleeping! At 9:00! In the lounge! What the hell is wrong with these people?) So, I left the light off, and just kinda chilled in the semidarkness. A few Taus wandered through.

Tau: Ana! What are you doing here?

Ana (cleverly trying to be all subtle and shit): Oh, I just wanted to ask Lynne something.

Tau: She's not here.

Ana: Yeah, I know. I don't really have anything else to do, though. I'll just wait.

(It occurs to me now that just maybe that was a little odd. At the time, though, I didn't see what was so strange. When I finally realized no one was going to come down and entertain me, I went out to my car and got a book of crossword puzzles. I honestly didn't think I was being particularly freaklike. I just wanted to hang out. Could I help it if no one else did?)

Maria asked what I was doing. I told her I wanted to ask Lynne something. She asked what. I thought, it's really none of your damn business, but I said I just wanted to ask Lynne something. She left.

Finally, I realized I absolutely had to leave. Lynne still hadn't showed. I left a message on her message board ("Hi, I've got a question, but I'll call you tomorrow.") And went on my merry way. I picked D. and Vincent up from work. I dropped them both over at Vincent's place. I'd told Alice that I would stop over at her place, so I dropped my car off at home and walked over there.

I was there about an hour. The occupational hazard that tends to happen while one is hanging out with Jay and Jim happened in abundance. Then the phone rang.

Lynne: Hi Ana.

Ana: Lynne? Oh, um, hi.

Lynne: About four people said you had to find me, and I've been calling all over looking for you.

Ana: Oh, Christ.

Lynne: Does this have anything to do with why Gramma B. called me?

Ana: (realizing Gramma was probably calling to find out if Ana had left the country, or was in a coma, or if she had a better reason for not ever calling) Oh SHIT! No. No it does not. But I do need her phone number, now that you mention it.

Lynne: I got home, and there were two messages from her on my voicemail. She said I had to call her right away, but she didn't say why. Then, half the House comes to tell me you had stopped by

Ana: Oh no...

Lynne: ...and wouldn't tell them why...

Ana: Oh Jeez....I'm sorry. I never thought...

Lynne: I was thinking maybe something had happened to Mom and Dad.

Ana: Oh. My. God. No. No no no no no. Jeez, I'm sorry...

Lynne: OK, I'll just have to go around and tell everyone it's all OK.

Ana: Do you want me to sign anything?

Lynne: Huh?

Ana: I thought maybe you'd want me to sign something in triplicate, so you could prove to them there was nothing going on. (Starts giggling. Senses her attempt at humor was obviously too full of drugs to make any coherent sense.) Uh, nevermind.

Lynne: So, what did you want, anyway?

Ana: (Bursts out laughing) Oh, Jeez. Now that's a story. (Remembers that she wasn't actually planning on telling Lynne the whole story. Pauses a minute to marshall her thoughts) There's...this person I met on the Internet, and she wants to send me books, and...

Lynne: And you want to use my PO box? Yeah, that's cool.

Ana: Wha?? Um, OK...

Lynne: Just send have her send it to me. Let me give you my box number.

Ana: But...but...

Lynne: What?

Ana: No, nothing. She's cool. I swear it. It's just...nevermind. Thanks.

Lynne: Oh, and the next time I see a package from TMBG in the mailroom, I'll get it for you.

Ana: Wha?? (Wonders how Lynne knew Ana had been thinking about that earlier that day. Can she read my thoughts? Did she see the journal entry? What sort of a twisted head game is this?? Wait, I'm really really stoned. I don't think I should even try to process that right now.) Yeah...that's... great.... But wait. I just want to be perfectly clear on this. You have no problem with getting a random package from a random stranger addressed to "Lynne Ng?" That doesn't freak you out even a little bit?

Lynne: Um...

Ana: Cuz I was thinking about having her send it to some sort of code name.

Lynne: (Relieved) OK, what code name?

Ana: Arnold Rimmer?

Lynne: (More relieved) OK, that's good. Arnold Rimmer, care of Lynne Ng, Unit #...

Ana: Wait, that's still your name. How about AJ Rimmer, Space Adventurer! (Breaks into giggles)

Lynne: Um, no.

Ana: No, wait. I've got it. AJ Rimmer, care of L. Diane.

Lynne: (Even more relieved) Great. I'll just tell everyone else in the mailroom to be on the lookout for it.

If you look closely, there's a whole bunch of messed up going on right there. Was she not being paranoid enough? Or am I totally blowing this out of proportion? And what the hell was up with the random TMBG reference? How much does she know? For that matter, what exactly is the current level of knowledge for all the various and sundry players in this little drama of mine? Feh. Gotta get to work.

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