Have you seen these?
A Year in Books - 2009-12-27
Skip Tracer, Loan Detective - 2009-11-22
New Job - 2009-11-03
The coleslaw got served. - 2009-10-21
Probably a new job. But maybe not. - 2009-10-08

Mostly About Lighters.
2000-05-10 12:20:03

D. didn't go to work today. He said he felt sick. Maybe he does. But he was up late last night. So was I, so I didn't push the issue. Besides, he hadn't missed a day in a while. We slept in till 10:30, and it was good.

I never miss work. I can think of once in the last five years when I asked to go home early. Maybe I don't get as sick as he does, but I like to think I have a Better Work Ethic.

D. usually misses about one or two days a month. I'm pretty sure that's well within the bounds of normal, but I don't like it. It seems like a lot.

***

Last night, I went into the casino gift shop to buy cigarettes after work, as I do two or three times a week. ($2.80 a pack, baybee! Indian property, so no state or fed taxes!) As soon as I walked in, the cashier said, "There you are!" I was confused. She reached behind her, and put a lighter on the counter.

About a week ago, I had gone in, and they had a display of lighters with smiley face designs. More importantly, they weren't child-proof. I absolutely hate childproof lighters. The ones they used to have with the little switch you pushed in weren't too bad, because you could pull out the switch and turn it into a normal lighter. But those ones that are childproof because you need a thumb of iron and the strength of twenty men to get them started suck. So, every time I see non-childproof lighters, I buy one. I own about 30 lighters. They live in a bowl on an endtable in my living room. Go ahead and laugh. When They finally get around to outlawing all nonchildproof lighters (I used to hear rumors about this all the time, but I keep being able to find good lighters.) I'll be the one laughing. Oh, yes I will.

Anyway, they had this display of nonchildproof lighters. They were even the flat ones, which of course are highly superior to those silly oval Bic things. And, they had smileyfaces on them. 99 cents. What a deal. So, I bought a green one.

The next day, I couldn't find it. I lose lighters all the time. This is another reason I'm constantly buying them. They fall out of my pocket, and end up under the seat of my car, or buried in the couch. I pull a lighter out of my pocket to light a cigarette in the kitchen, and leave it on the counter. I leave them at friends' houses. (My friends always return them, which amuses me to no end. I've got hundreds of the damn things. But all my friends seem to have the "one lighter till death do us part" mentality, and assume I feel the same way. The last time we were in Cowtown, three different people came running up to me in the span of one hour to return lighters D. had left in their rooms. Anne once held on to one of my lighters for three months, just so she could give it back to me the next time I visited.)

Anyway, I couldn't find my new green smiley face lighter. I knew it had to be somewhere, and I didn't want to be bothered looking for it. I grabbed a different one out of the bowl, and went on with my life. I figured it would turn up eventually. The next time I was in the gift shop, I bought a red smiley face lighter. Life went on.

Last night, I went into the gift shop, and this cashier said "There you are!" and put my green lighter I had bought from her a week ago onto the counter. She had saved it for me. Now, if it had been me, and probably 98% of the rest of the population, behind that counter, we would have laughed at the moron who bought a lighter and didn't bother taking it out of the store, and put it back in the display case. Maybe I would have put the lighter in my own pocket. But she saved it for me.

"I knew you had blonde hair, and wore it pulled back, and I thought you wore glasses, but I wasn't sure. I knew you wore one of the pink vests, but I didn't know if you were tall or short. I couldn't even remember your name. I knew you'd be back, but you never seemed to come in while I was working...."

"Wow," I said. "Thanks."

It just boggles my mind that this woman kept my lighter for me for a whole week. Maybe she would have saved it for me forever. That really makes me feel good. Maybe most people are lying scum who are only waiting until your back is turned before attacking you and eating your liver raw, but not all of them. Some of them hold on to your lighters for you.

***

While I was writing the above, I kept looking around my apartment, and seeing lighters. When I started, there were six lighters in the bowl. Every time I saw a ligher, I got up, and returned it to the bowl. Now, there are 15. Two green ones with yellow wavy vertical stripes and blue dots. Two blue ones with purple swirls and light blue bubbles. Two red ones with black and blueish-green wavy stripes and dots arranged so they look kinda like eyes. (I think those were all together in some sort of value pack I bought once) One huge purple clear one with the name of the casino. One green clear, one white clear, one blue clear, one purple clear that didn't look childproof, but turned out to be anyway. (sneaky bastid.) One red clear, one orange clear. One pink childproof Bic. (I have no idea where it came from. I certainly didn't buy it. I keep trying to leave it at Christine and Arthur's, but they keep giving it back. Perhaps it's Anne's. I'm holding on to it, to give to her next time I see her) One red smiley face. There's also three dead Zippos, two packs of matches, and one pipe that looks exactly like a zippo until you open it. D. has a green clear one by him on the couch. I've got the green smiley face next to the computer. There's a white, green and blue one with an eyeball pattern (similar to the red, blue and black ones) in my purse. There is at least one lighter living in my car. I didn't bother looking under the couch or under the bed. When the revolution comes, I will have flame!

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