Yesterday, I asked D. if he really wanted to move to Cowtown. He blew up at me. "I thought it was what you wanted! I just want to move, I don't care where. I keep making suggestions, and you keep finding things wrong with all of them. I don't care. I just want to move."

I tried to explain that the only reason I had been pushing Cowtown was because I had thought he wanted to move immediately, and Cowtown was better for that than Chicago.

He said he would move whenever I thought I was ready. He was just tired of me not believing him that we could be ok, no matter where we ended up.

So, now the plan is Chicago, at the end of summer, again.

I really think this is better. I got the Chicago paper today, and convinced myself that we could indeed find an apartment and a job in the right price range.

When he first started looking through the apartments, I said I wanted somewhere cheap, but not scary. He looked frustrated. Then, he found a bunch of places near the university. He tried explaining that this was the best we could hope for. I said that was exactly what I had in mind. I don't mind living in a low-rent area, I just don't want to live next door to a crack house.

It's strange. This sort of thing seems to happen a lot with us. We both want the same thing, but we phrase it so differently that neither of us can ever see it.

So, it's decided. We can indeed find an apartment in a relatively cheap and relatively secure area. It will be near downtown. (D. says I'm not understanding how downtown Chicago works. He says that with the buses, and the trains, and the El, everything is within about 6 blocks total walking distance. This doesn't make sense to me at all. But I'll take his word for it.)

I bought the paper just to get a sample of what we might find when we actually look in a month or two. I don't think D. really understood that, but I feel a lot better. There are indeed apartments we can afford, and they probably aren't all in gunfire neighborhoods. ("Those are the ones for $100/month" says D. "The ones that say 'fixer-upper'")

It's also cute to see D. so excited about moving. Most of his childhood memories are from Chicago, and even though he hasn't lived there in ten years, he always refers to it as his hometown. He was excited about being near his gaming buddies in Cowtown too, of course, but I think this is more heartfelt. Besides, Chicago is all around a better place to live. There's a lot of pizza.

Tomorrow, I must find out if I can get a week off from work in July so we can drive down and apartment hunt. "Try to get the week of July 3rd," says D. "The fireworks are incredible" and then a whole bunch of raving about Chicago's annual fireworks. He's adorable. I really wonder sometimes how he puts up with me.

Now, the only thing I'm worried about is finding a job. Job interviews scare the hell out of me. But, I would have had this problem no matter where we ended up, so I'm going to try not to worry about it too much. (Ha!) The alternative, I keep reminding myself, is staying at my current job forever. Besides, if all else fails, I can get a waitressing or telemarketing job, then work up the nerve to find something better. It sucks that these are my "things to fall back on" because they are both completely evil, but I suppose it could be worse. I could have randomly gotten a job in sanitation or politics. Then, my "if all else fails" prospects would truly be grim.

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