Crazy Neighbor Lady: I just got back from the grocery store. It was my first visit since they were robbed.

Ana's Brain: Huh? No. Don't ask. Walk away.

CNL: I was scared for my life!

Ana: Ah.

CNL: I don't like to go to that store, but they were having a sale on--

Ana's Brain: Aaah! Make it stop! Make it stop!

Ana: I see you've got new glasses.

Ana's Brain: Whew.

CNL:Yup. (Pause) I've got a cat now. He's about a year old, but he's big, just like your cat. He meows really loud. I was at my parent's house, and I didn't know he was under my jacket, so I grabbed my jacket and was roughing it up...

Ana's Brain: Why was she roughing up her jacket? No, don't ask. Avoid eye contact.

CNL: ...and then I heard the kitty and he sounded just like a tiger!

Ana:Really? Wow. I'd better get going though...

Ana begins walking rapidly across the parking lot. The CNL follows her

Ana's Brain: Aah! What is she doing? She lives on the first floor! She can enter her apartment from the parking lot! Why is she still talking to me?

CNL: (Shouting) I've got a coupon!

Ana's Brain: Wha? (Ana stops walking)

CNL: I've got a coupon for cat food. No, wait. If I buy cat food, I get free dog food.

Ana's Brain: Go, go, go! Run, you fool!

Ana: (Shouting over her shoulder, as she speed walks to the front door of the building) Too bad you don't have a dog, right?

Ana's Brain: What are you doing? Don't encourage her! Where's the damn keys? Oh, shit here she is again...

CNL: I've got a dog. He lives with my parents, along with the cat.

Ana's Brain: Why does she think these are her pets, if they live with her parents?

Some other part of Ana's Brain: Never mind that! Run away! Run away!

CNL: We just got him back. He'd run away, and was gone for two weeks.

Ana: Oh. Well, I'm glad he's back. I've really gotta get upstairs, though...

CNL: When the man brought him back, he didn't want to get in the car. I think he was picked up by someone who abused him, and he didn't want to get in the car because he was afraid he'd be abused again.

Ana's Brain: Oh, shit. I can't leave in the middle of the animal abuse story. OK, Crazy Neighbor Lady. You win this round.

Some Other Part of Ana's Brain: Wait a minute. So, someone picked up her parents' dog, abused him, and then brought him back? She's nuts. Get the hell out of here.

Ana's Brain: Can't...move...brain....shutting...down...

CNL:...So, I took him to the vet...

Ana's Brain: Vet? missed...something...important...

Some other part of Ana's Brain: No you didn't. Let it go. Come on, move! There's no way she'll come up the stairs. If you get to the stairs, you'll be safe. (Ana moves up three steps. This doesn't even slow the CNL down.)

CNL: ...and then the vet asked me if I had any baby bottles, and i told him I did, but no nipples.

Ana's Brain: Heh....she...said...nipples...

CNL: So he told me to go to the store, and buy two nipples

Ana's Brain: Heh...Two...nipples...

Some other part of Ana's Brain: What the hell is wrong with you? Move!! (Ana goes up one more step)

CNL: So, I did, and I fed him Similac Enriched With Iron for two days, and now he's fine (pauses for breath)

Ana's Brain: Wha? Is it over? Move! Move move move! (Ana goes up three more steps)

Ana: Well, I'm glad everything turned out ok.

Ana's Brain: Good. Just a few more steps...

Ana: Boy, I can't even imagine how someone could treat an animal like that.

Ana's Brain: I give up.

CNL: (pause) Yeah. And another time, I had this other dog who....

Ana's Brain: Now see what you've done?

Ana: (Races up the last remaining steps to the second floor, calling over her shoulder) YeahIcan'tbeleivesomepeoplebutI'vereallygottagonowBye!

Ana's Brain: Is she still following? I'm scared to look. Keep running till you get to the apartment. (Ana runs all the way to the third floor. Before opening her apartment door, she checks to make sure the CNL is nowhere in sight. The thought of her actually knowing which apt. Ana lives in is just too horrible to contemplate.) Whew!

Finis.

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