I'm an idiot
2000-03-31 19:17:11
I am an idiot. I went out to start my car, and I couldn't get it out of Park. I tried several times. There were no warning lights of any kind on, and the engine sounded normal, but I absolutely could not shift gears. My immediate thought was that yes, I was indeed ripped off. They not only sold me a car with a dead battery, but one with a stuck gearshift. I went back upstairs to call. I talked to someone from the service dept. The woman who answered was confused. She suggested I don't start the car, but put the key in, and turn it just 1/2 way. Then, put the car in neutral, start the engine, and all should be well. I mentioned that I'd just picked the car up on Monday. She sounded releived, and transferred me over to my Salesguy. I explained the situation, and he also recommended the procedure the woman gave me. I don't have a cordless phone, so he said he'd wait while I went to try this. It didn't work. Lever did not move at all. Salesguy was now very confused. He went over to talk to someone in the service dept. He came back, and told me that although it sounded strange, Serviceguy recommended shaking my car. The theory was that when I had last put the car in Park, I'd shoved the lever too hard, and jiggled some wires out of place. By shaking my car hard enough, I would somehow jiggle the wires back into place. This sounded insane, but I told Salesguy I'd try it. As I was shaking my car, and feeling like a fool, it hit me.Over the course of the week, I had become enraptured with the idea of not needing to step on the gas at all, let alone pumping it furiously, while starting the engine. While turning the key, I was now inclined to loll decadently, perhaps humming idly. No need to concentrate. The car is fuel injected. It can practically drive itself. It was entirely possible that I had completely spaced the important stepping on the brake part of trying to switch gears. (In my defense, I didn't have to do that in the old car. Flooring the gas pedal while trying to shift gears was a viable Get Car Moving technique.) I stopped shaking the car, and climbed inside. With my foot firmly on the brake, I discovered that I could indeed shift gears with ease. I could shift gears all night long, if so inclined. I didn't want to admit to Salesguy that I was a drooling moron, so I told him shaking it must have done the trick. I could tell he didn't want to let it show, but he was clearly stunned. Maybe it wasn't supposed to work. Maybe telling me to run down three flights of stairs and shake my car is some sort of Salesguy revenge humor.
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